


The Grieving Process

by CoreyWW



Series: I Want to Understand-verse AU (Chronological Order) [3]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous Relationships, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Babysitting, Contradicted by Mr. Greg, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, Everyone Needs A Hug, Everyone Needs A Hug: The Series, F/F, F/M, Fatherhood, Flashbacks, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Loss, Pre-Series, Psychological Drama, Psychological Trauma, Sad, Strained Friendships, Strained Relationships, Suicidal Thoughts, Thanks to LonelyTurret182 and fennric for beta reading!, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-12
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-05-19 20:56:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 27,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5980699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoreyWW/pseuds/CoreyWW
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One week ago, Steven was born ... and Rose died.</p><p>Greg tries his best to care for the newborn Steven despite his grief but, honestly, he feels his pain is nothing compared to how the Gems are feeling in Rose's absence. Garnet has defused, Pearl has disappeared, and Amethyst ... well, nobody seems to even want to SAY what Amethyst is doing ...</p><p>Can they learn to carry on without Rose ... or will they let their loss consume them?</p><p>A sequel to Bad Girl Brushstrokes and Why Don't You Hate Me? In the canon-divergent continuity of "I Want to Understand". Is contradicted in canon by Mr. Greg.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Garnet

**Author's Note:**

> Very brief note: This story is a sequel to two one-shots I've written listed in this same series: Bad Girl Brushstrokes and Why Don't You Hate Me? (Why Don't You Hate Me? being the one most closely connected with this story). While it is not entirely necessary to read those first in order to enjoy this story, it will clarify Greg's relationship with some of the other characters so check them out if you want to see prior events.

Greg had started to fear whenever Steven fell asleep, because whenever his newborn son did, his thoughts always drifted back to Rose. 

After a few hours of fussiness, Steven had finally gone to sleep in Greg’s arms. Greg got up from the couch, walked across the floor of the storage unit, and gently laid Steven in the crib Vidalia had given him. Then he walked back to the couch, took a deep breath, and rested his face in his hands. 

The storage unit was not an ideal nursery, especially with the stacks of boxes and junk everywhere, but it worked well enough for now while the weather was warm and he could still keep the shutters open. This setup was better than the van, at least. Greg hadn’t gone back to the van since Steven was born. It suddenly felt emptier than before. 

He was afraid to go back to the temple as well. Not for his sake, but for the Gems. Steven’s birth ... Rose’s death ... had not been a good experience for them. 

Especially Pearl. Pearl hadn’t even stayed to see it happen; after speaking with Rose privately, she had run off with tears in her eyes. Greg hadn’t seen her since. That was a week ago. He was worried about all the Gems, but especially her. Ever since the night Pearl had broken down in front of him when she found out what would happen to Rose when Steven was born, Greg had dreaded how she would react. He wished he could at least talk to her now, to make sure she was alright. It might have made him feel better as well, especially since he felt Pearl was the one who would most understand how he felt ... 

But Pearl wasn’t there. And neither was Rose. Aside from the napping Steven, he was alone. 

Greg wasn’t sure what to do now that Steven was asleep. He didn’t feel like eating. Greg couldn’t even remember the last time he ate. He supposed he _should_ feel hungry, but just thinking about food made him feel nauseous. He didn’t feel like napping either, despite how irregular his sleep had been since Steven was born. There was a TV in front of the couch and dozens of old Lil’ Butler tapes that normally made him feel better when he’d watch them with Amethyst, but the thought of watching them alone now made him feel ill. He didn’t feel like doing _anything_. 

Greg glanced over at Steven, gently snoozing. He couldn’t see it with Steven’s onesie on, but he thought about the pink Gem, Rose’s Gem, on his belly. He wondered if she was aware of what was going on, if she was still around on some level. That was how Rose always put it, anyway; that Steven would be her, a better her than she could ever be. And Steven was the most beautiful baby Greg had ever seen. He was everything he could have ever hoped for in a son. He loved him, dearly. 

But he could still feel Rose’s absence. He still missed her. 

His eyes started to sting, but no tears came. Greg hadn’t cried since it happened. He felt like he just COULD cry and get it over with, he might feel a little better ... but he couldn’t. 

Suddenly, Greg heard a voice he thought he recognized. 

“Mr. Universe?” 

“Huh? Garnet, that you?” Greg said. Greg twisted around the couch to look towards the open shutters. 

But when he turned around, it wasn’t Garnet. In fact, Greg wasn’t sure _who_ it was. It was a very short girl with blue skin in an elegant dress. She had long curly hair that covered her face. He couldn’t even see her eyes. 

“No,” the girl said, stoically. “Just half.” 

“Wha- oh ...” Greg rubbed his eyes. “Oh, right. Right. Sorry ... you’re um--” 

“Sapphire, yes.” 

“Right. Nice to ... meet you in person, I guess?” 

Sapphire gave a polite nod but said nothing. She didn’t walk into the storage unit so much as she seemed to float without her feet touching the floor. 

_This is bad_ , Greg thought. He had known Garnet was a fusion, but he had never actually seen either of the Gems that composed her before. Rose had always said they only separated in the most extreme circumstances. After Steven was born, Garnet seemed to be the only one holding it together, strong and quiet like she always was. But if she had split up, clearly she wasn’t taking it as well as Greg hoped. 

But then again ... how _could_ any of them take Rose’s absence well? 

Sapphire stopped in front of Steven’s crib, but said nothing. After lingering for a moment, she wordlessly drifted towards a pile of stacked boxes in the corner. 

Finding the silence uncomfortable, Greg spoke up. 

“You uh ... you holding up alright, Sapphire?” he asked. 

“Yes,” she said. “I’m getting the diapers.” 

“Oh um ... well, Steven’s kind of asleep right--” 

Steven let out a small whine and shifted uncomfortably under his blanket. He didn’t fully wake up, but even after a few days, Greg already knew stirring like that meant it only a matter of time. 

“... oh,” Greg said. He laughed nervously. “Boy, that uh ... that whole seeing-into-the-future thing must come in handy, huh?” 

“Yes,” Sapphire said. Before Greg could say where the diapers were, Sapphire pulled out the small pink diaper bag from the box of junk. She placed it on the floor next to the crib and floated in place, watching Steven. 

“So ... how’s your um ... your better half?” Greg risked asking. 

“Ruby is fine,” Sapphire said. “She apparently needed some time to herself.” There was a brief pause. “Without me.” 

“Oh.” Greg grimaced. “And you’re ... you’re alright with that?” 

“Yes,” Sapphire said. 

Despite being hot outside, Greg suddenly felt the storage shed get colder. Greg hugged his shoulders. 

Greg had a feeling he should not press that subject any further so he quickly switched gears. 

“Um ... well, what about the others?” Greg asked. “Have you--” 

“Seen Pearl?” Sapphire said. “No.” 

Greg opened his mouth to speak, but Sapphire interrupted. 

“And I’m not certain where she might be or how she’s doing. Possible futures regarding her are ... varied.” 

Greg closed his mouth. He sighed. He was really worried about Pearl. Knowing what he was going through, he didn’t even want to think how it must be for her ... or what she might do. 

“What about Amethyst?” Greg asked. 

Strangely, Sapphire hesitated. 

“She is ...” Sapphire cleared her throat awkwardly. “She is handling herself. In her own way.” 

Greg frowned. Amethyst was someone else he was concerned about. He hadn’t spoken to her since Steven was born. After it happened, she was quiet like she always was when something bothered her. She hadn’t come to hang out like before. He had to admit, not having Amethyst around made all of this even harder. 

“I see,” Greg said. “M-maybe I should go talk to her or-” 

“ _No_!” Sapphire shouted, suddenly overcome with emotion not present seconds before. 

Steven started to cry. Sapphire twisted her head towards him. 

“Oh dear,” Sapphire said, her voice still shaky. “That wasn’t supposed to happen yet.” 

Greg stared at her, bewildered by her reaction. Sapphire picked up Steven from the crib, gently rocking her in her thin arms. 

“Umm, I can handle that if you want,” Greg said. 

“No, I want to.” Sapphire said. She frowned as she added, “She ... would have wanted to me to help.” 

Greg swallowed. 

“... Yeah ...” Greg said, trying to hide his emotion. 

Sapphire carried Steven to the couch with the diaper bag. Without a word, she started to change Steven’s diaper. 

After she was done, Greg asked, “So is there um ... is there some _reason_ you don’t want me to talk to Amethyst?”

Sapphire said nothing for a moment. She cradled Steven in one arm as she brushed the hair from face with the other. Greg was stunned to see she only had one massive eye (which Greg only then realized made sense since Garnet had _three_ ). He could also see Sapphire was far more expressive than she sounded; she was clearly uneasy, her gaze glued to the floor. 

“It just ... might not be the best idea right now ...” Sapphire said. 

“Can you be more specific?” Greg asked. 

Sapphire glanced up at Greg, then looked away. 

“I’d rather not,” Sapphire said. “Simply ... take my word for it. Please.” 

Greg stared at her. If Sapphire was anything like Garnet and she was actually concerned about something, she must have a good reason. He _really_ didn’t like the idea of not talking to Amethyst, but he didn’t want to risk accidentally hurting her either. 

“Okay, okay,” Greg said. “I’ll ... I’ll give her some time, if you really think that’s best.” 

Sapphire breathed a sigh of relief. She brushed her hair back so her eye was hidden once again. 

“Thank you,” said Sapphire. She gently rocked Steven, who cooed in response. “I can watch him so you have some time to rest, Mr. Universe.” 

Greg laughed nervously. 

“That’s sweet, but you really don’t have to. I’m totally fine, really, I’m--” 

“Mr. Universe,” Sapphire said, “I don’t need future vision to know that’s not true.” 

Greg said nothing. It was true, he was still reeling from everything, but caring for Steven was the only thing keeping him sane. Maybe if he could talk to Amethyst or Pearl, he’d feel more open to taking a break, but since he couldn’t do that, it wasn’t as if he had any other friends to talk to. He was about to tell Sapphire no when she spoke again. 

“You’re wrong,” she said. 

“Uh ... what?” Greg said. 

“You were about to say you didn’t need a break because you did not have any friends aside from us to speak to. You’re wrong. I’ll insist watching Steven anyway, you go for a walk, then you remember Vidalia is your friend too and you meant to thank her for the baby clothes and crib she gave you anyway. And then you go see her and you feel a little better.” 

Greg blinked. 

“Oh ... oh yeah, I _did_ mean to do that,” Greg said. He chuckled. “Wow ... y-yeah, I guess maybe that would be a good idea. Thanks for helping me just, you know, skip all that a little.” 

Sapphire gave a tiny smile. 

“I do what I can,” she said. 

Greg took a deep breath. He took Steven from Sapphire’s arms and held him up. 

“Okay kiddo, Dad’s gonna let you have fun with your aunt Sapphire for a bit,” Greg said. He held him in his arms and gave him a gentle hug. “You be a good little man, okay?” 

Steven cooed. Greg smiled and handed him back to Sapphire. 

“Thanks,” he said as he started to walk out of the storage shed. 

“Mr. Universe?” Sapphire said. 

He turned around. 

“Yeah?” Greg said. 

Sapphire paused. 

“You’re a good father, Mr. Universe,” Sapphire said carefully. “I know that ... that _she_ would be proud of you.” 

The mention of Rose sent a sharp pain in his heart, but despite that, he managed to smile. 

“I ... I really hope so, Sapphire,” said Greg as he turned to walk outside. “I really hope so.”

* * *

“ _Stupid_ , _stupid_ , _stupid_!” shouted Ruby as she punched the rocks along the outside of the temple. Her entire body felt like magma and she could feel the sand under her feet turn to tiny shards of glass from the heat. The rocks splintered and broke easily with each punch, but did nothing to make her feel better. 

Ruby longed for the days when her problems could be solved by punching things. 

As if Rose being gone wasn’t hard enough, as if coming to grips with that wasn’t hard enough, Ruby had to go and mess up like she always did. _She_ was the one who had to get all emotional and cause Garnet to unravel. 

And when Sapphire didn’t understand _why_ because she hadn’t seen it coming with future vision, Ruby refused to explain because she didn’t want to upset her. Which OF COURSE made Sapphire upset anyway, then Ruby got mad at herself and lashed out and ... 

Ruby smashed her fist against the cliff-face once again. 

_Why do I have to be so stupid?_ she thought. If she just wasn’t so dumb, if she could just get things right, if she could just handle the pressure like someone as tough of her _should have been able to_ , there wouldn’t have been a problem. 

“Yo Ruby?” 

Ruby twisted around to see Amethyst standing behind her. Her new form’s long white hair dangled in front of her face, one eye hidden beneath it. Amethyst blinked, then gave a smile. 

“You uh ... you alright?” Amethyst said. 

Ruby palmed her face with one hand. And here was _another_ problem Ruby didn’t want to think about ... 

“Yes ... I’m fine ...” Ruby lied. She gave Amethyst a hard look. “Are you?” 

Amethyst paused, then folded her arms. 

“Pfft, _yeah_ ,” she said casually. “Why wouldn’t I be?” 

_Because Rose is dead and you’re acting like nothing is wrong_ , thought Ruby. _And it's obviously just an act. And when I was part of Garnet, I saw ALL the bad things that might happen later and I STILL can’t think of anything to do to stop it because I’m a freaking idiot and--_

Amethyst frowned. Her voice suddenly took a darker edge. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Amethyst said. 

Ruby frowned and looked down at the sand. 

“... I’m not looking at anything,” Ruby said. She hated this. Sapphire was the one who always knew what to say, but even as Garnet, neither of them knew quite how to handle knowing what Amethyst was doing ... what she _might_ do later. 

“Look,” Amethyst said carefully, “If you wanna say something, just say something.” 

Ruby sighed. 

“... so where were you all day?” asked Ruby, as if she didn’t already know. 

Amethyst hesitated. 

“I ...” she started in a low voice, then chuckled. “Just, you know, hangin’ with Vidalia, that’s all.” She shrugged. “Why?” 

“You’re lying,” Ruby said before she could stop herself. 

Amethyst’s eyes narrowed. 

“... I’m not lying,” whispered Amethyst. 

Ruby just stared at her. Suddenly, Amethyst raised her voice. 

“ _Stop looking at me like that_!” said Amethyst. “Jeez, I just wanted to see if you were alright and this is how I get treated?! What’s your problem?!” 

Ruby clenched her fist. Her feet grew hot and she could feel more glass forming in the sand at her feet. 

“What’s MY problem?!” Ruby shouted. “What about _you_?! You’re the one acting like nothing’s wrong!” 

Amethyst clenched her teeth and shouted. 

“How is it YOUR business how I’m feeling or what I’m doing or HOW I’M HANDLING _ANY_ OF THIS?! MAYBE _YOU ALL_ ARE THE ONES WITH THE PROBLEM!” 

Ruby was about to scream back but before she could, Amethyst turned around and started to walk away. 

“Where are you going now?!” Ruby shouted. 

“ _Out_ ,” Amethyst said. 

“You know, if _Garnet_ was here, you’d never talk to her like this!” 

Amethyst stopped in her tracks and twirled around with a glare. 

“News flash! GARNET’S NOT HERE!” screamed Amethyst. “And neither is Pearl!” She turned around and kept walking. In a whisper, she added, “And neither is Rose ...” 

Ruby held out her hand, searching for something to say ... but ultimately said nothing as Amethyst left. 

_Great,_ she thought bitterly. _Perfect. That was_ so _helpful, Ruby. Way to be a hero._

Ruby stared back at the rocks she had been punching, cracked and marked with holes the shape of her fist. She pulled her arm back, preparing for another strike, before she just sighed. 

This wasn’t helping. Even though Ruby hadn’t felt like talking when Sapphire and her first became undone, she knew she had to. It wasn’t going to be a fun conversation, but they had to have it. Ruby couldn’t deal with this all herself, especially after being a fusion for so long. 

She needed Sapphire.

* * *

“So ... are you okay?” Vidalia asked after Greg sat down with her at the kitchen table in her trailer. 

Greg looked up at Vidalia. Her hair was messy and she hadn’t put on her makeup. Greg felt guilty for coming unannounced, not giving Vidalia any time to get ready, but she said it was no big deal and insisted he come in anyway. 

Vidalia stared at him, uncharacteristically serious. 

“I’m ... good,” Greg said, trying to smile. 

Vidalia did not break her gaze. Greg’s fake grin dropped within seconds. He rubbed his temple. 

“I’m not good,” Greg said. 

Vidalia leaned back in her chair, frowning. 

“Yeah ...” Vidalia said. “I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s okay,” Greg said. 

Greg knew Vidalia was being nice, but hearing someone else say they were sorry for Rose’s death made his heart sink. No one else had anything to apologize for; it was nobody’s fault what happened. 

Nobody’s fault but his. 

Vidalia cleared her throat. 

“I mean,” Vidalia said, “I can’t even begin to understand what it must be like going through that, but I know how hard it is being a parent alone so ...” She shifted in her chair uncomfortably. “I just want you to know if you need anything at all, I’m here for you.” 

Greg gave a sad smile. 

“Thanks,” Greg said. “It’s actually really nice to hear someone say that. It’s been ... kind of a lonely week.” 

Vidalia glanced down for a moment, then looked back up. 

“You um ... you wouldn’t happen to know how Amethyst is doing, would you?” she asked. 

“I ... I was told it might be a good idea to give her space.” Greg raised an eyebrow. “You haven’t heard from her?” 

Vidalia shook her head. 

“No ... not at all,” she said. “I was pretty worried, to be honest. She’s ...” Vidalia touched her shoulder. “She might not act like it, but she’s really sensitive, you know?” 

Greg nodded. 

“Yeah, I know,” said Greg. 

_And I’m supposed to intentionally avoid her_ , Greg thought, adding yet another reason to feel like garbage. He couldn’t help but wonder why Sapphire didn’t want him to talk to Amethyst. What could be so bad about that? 

“Mommy, mommy!” 

Greg looked up as little Sour Cream ran in, holding a grey portable game console over his head. His white hair was frizzy and he had a bright smile on his tiny face. It was crazy; Greg remembered the day he was born and now he was four years old. 

Greg was amazed by how fast Vidalia was able to switch gears. As soon as she saw Sour Cream, a smile popped on her face. No one would have been able to tell she was worried just moments before. 

“What is it, sweet pea?” she said sweetly. 

Sour Cream beamed up at her. He held the portable game in front of him. 

“Look, look,” he said. 

He flipped a switch on the console and there was a chime. Sour Cream giggled, then turned the switch off and back on again. 

“It’s like ‘moo-sic,’” Sour Cream said. 

“You are so right, it sure is!” Vidalia said. 

Sour Cream excitedly turned the console off and on, off and on ... and then the third time it turned on, the chime distorted and tiny whiffs of smoke came from the screen. 

Sour Cream’s eyes got wide and he bit his lip. He grimaced, clearly about to cry. 

“Aww, don’t cry, little man,” Vidalia said. She gently took the console from his hands and turned it off. “Mommy fix, okay?” 

Sour Cream sniffed and nodded. 

Vidalia grinned. 

“Why don’t you run back to your room for a bit while Mommy finishes talking with the nice man, okay sweet pea?” 

Sour Cream glanced at Greg, then nodded before running down the hall. 

Vidalia chuckled, then looked at the game console. 

“Thank God I found a box of these things at a yard sale,” she whispered. “This is like the eighth one he’s gone through.” 

Greg chuckled. 

“Wow ... you make it seem so easy,” Greg said. 

“What? Lying to children?” Vidalia said with a laugh. 

Greg shook his head. 

“No, I mean being a good parent,” Greg said. He scratched at the table with one finger. “I’m always freaked out I’m going to do permanent damage or something.” 

The corner of Vidalia’s mouth curved up. 

“He’s a week old, Greg,” she said. “What kind of damage do you think you’ve done?” 

Greg frowned and lowered his head. 

“You mean _besides_ making it so he doesn’t have a mom anymore?” he said, his stomach souring the second the words left his lips. 

Vidalia’s smile faded. 

“Greg ... what happened wasn’t your fault,” she said. “You have to believe that.” 

_Except it’s_ directly _my fault and I knew exactly what was going to happen,_ Greg thought silently. Rose had told him. He knew from the _start_ what was going to happen. Rose told him it was what she wanted, that she wasn’t going to die ... at least not really. She told him a thousand times she knew he’d be the best father in the world and she couldn’t have asked for anyone better to have a child with. She told him he wouldn’t have anything to feel guilty about. And she had that twinkle in her eyes that Greg loved and he knew she truly meant every single word. 

He should have felt okay. He should have been able to accept it. So why couldn’t he? Why did all of Rose’s words, the ones that comforted him before, just make him feel a thousand times worse now? 

“Greg?” 

Greg flicked his eyes up to Vidalia. He hadn’t realized how lost in thought he had been. 

“Yes?” he said softly. 

“I know you’ll be a good father, Greg,” Vidalia said. “There’s no doubt in my mind. You’ve always been like the nicest guy in the world. That’s not what I’m worried about.” She paused. “What I _am_ worried about it making sure _you’re_ alright. If you want to take care of Steven right, you have to take good care of yourself too. I know it’s gonna be hard to do that, but you have to.” Vidalia brushed her long blond bangs. “You understand?” 

Greg sighed and nodded. 

“Yeah, I do,” said Greg. 

“You know what might make you feel a little better?” 

“No, what?” he asked. 

“Taking a shower,” she said. Vidalia pinched her nose. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you kinda smell like Amethyst after she plays in garbage.” 

Despite everything, Greg actually laughed at that. 

“Is there a _right_ way to take that?” he said. 

Vidalia shrugged. Greg grinned and shook his head. 

“Maybe that is a good idea,” he said. 

Vidalia smiled. 

He remembered what Sapphire said would happen when he left the storage unit and was glad she was right; seeing Vidalia did make feel a little better. Not as much as he would have liked, but a little better. And at this point, Greg would take what he could get.

* * *

Future vision, Sapphire realized, was an invaluable asset in caring for children. 

Steven cried in her arms again. Sapphire knew he couldn’t be hungry and his diaper had already been changed. She gently rocked him, but to no avail. 

“Ssh, it’s alright, Steven,” Sapphire said. “This will only take a second.” 

She shut her eye and focused. The noise of the present drifted away. Even with her eyes closed, she saw clearly-- 

\-- _Sapphire breathed anxiously as Steven’s cry echoed on the walls of the storage unit. She put him down in the crib and brushed her hair aside, trying to get herself together ... but the second she did, Steven smiled and giggled. She stared at him, perplexed. Steven gave a toothless smile and reached his tiny hand towards Sapphire’s face, towards her eye--_

Sapphire opened her eye, her attention refocused on present. Steven was still crying in her arms. She smiled faintly. 

“Ah,” she said. “Simple enough.” 

She cradled Steven in one hand then brushed her curly hair aside, revealing her large eye. Sure enough, Steven giggled and smiled. 

Sapphire wondered how humans cared for newborns without future vision. She could hardly imagine it. If she didn’t have that ability, this experience would be far less pleasant. 

Getting a flash of inspiration, Sapphire brushed her hair back down to cover her again. 

“Where’s Sapphi?” Sapphire asked softly before pulling her hair up and smiling. “Here I am.” 

Steven giggled sweetly like it was the most amazing thing he had ever seen. His tiny hands clasped together like he was trying to clap but didn’t know how. 

Steven looked past Sapphire and grinned even wider. He cooed and pointed behind Sapphire. She twisted around and saw Ruby was there, standing underneath the open shutters. 

Ruby grimaced and scratched the back of her neck. 

“Um ... hey,” Ruby said. 

“Ruby ...” Sapphire said. 

Ruby took a breath, then gave Sapphire a serious look. 

“We need to talk,” Ruby said. 

“Yes,” Sapphire said. She looked down at Steven, who was staring back up with wide, curious eyes. “Steven, Sapphire’s going to talk with your auntie Ruby for a minute, okay?” 

Sapphire floated over the crib and gently placed Steven inside it. She pulled the tiny blanket over him. He didn’t make a peep, as if he understood Sapphire completely.

Ruby approached the crib and peered over the edge. She cleared her throat. 

“He seems ... cute,” Ruby said. 

“Yes,” Sapphire said. 

Steven smiled at both of the Gems. 

Ruby paused, then sighed. 

“Kinda makes me feel like garbage for feeling bad about ... everything,” Ruby said. 

Sapphire stared at her. Ruby stepped away from the crib and Sapphire followed. They walked to the far end of the storage shed, hopefully out of earshot of the child. 

Ruby stopped and took another deep breath. Sapphire could tell with a glance she was doing everything she could to remain calm. 

“I’m sorry,” Ruby said softly. 

“It’s alright,” Sapphire said. “I cannot blame you for feeling upset over Rose. It’s natural. I was sad as well. Needing some time alone to deal with it all is only--” 

Ruby frowned, then turned away silently. 

“What is it?” Sapphire asked. 

Ruby sighed, then rubbed her temple. 

“Rose wasn’t the reason I wanted to defuse,” Ruby admitted. A second later, she groaned and added, “I mean, she _is,_ but that’s not the whole reason.” 

Sapphire floated over and touched Ruby’s shoulder. 

“What do you mean?” Sapphire asked. “Please. I ... I only want to help.” 

“I know you do, Sapphi. It’s just--” Ruby clenched her fist and groaned angrily. “ _Ugh_! I’m such an idiot!” 

“You’re not an idiot,” Sapphire said. 

“Yes, I am! I can’t even put into words how I’m feeling!” 

Sapphire saw how distressed Ruby was and shook her head. 

“You don’t have to,” Sapphire said. She closed her eye. “Just give me a moment.” 

“What?” Ruby said, confused. 

Sapphire focused and saw-- 

_\--Ruby stared at Sapphire, her eyes suddenly wide. Her voice took a harsh edge as she yelled “Are you_ seriously _trying to use future vision to skip this?”--_

“Are you _seriously_ trying to use future vision to skip this?!” Ruby yelled. 

“What?” Sapphire said. The present catching up to her vision so closely sounded like a disorienting echo. 

“You were!” Ruby said. She twisted away from Sapphire’s grip on her shoulder. “I know you were!” 

“What? No,” Sapphire said. “I just-- you were having a hard time getting your thoughts together. I thought seeing ahead a bit might spare you the trouble.” 

Ruby rolled her eyes and turned her back to Sapphire. She raised her hands in the air. 

“‘Spare me the trouble?’” Ruby said sarcastically. The storage unit started to heat up, matching Ruby’s temper. Ruby glared back at Sapphire. “Maybe I don’t _want_ it to be that easy! Maybe I _want_ to deal with this instead of skipping to the ending!” 

Sapphire flinched. She honestly hadn’t even considered that. Using future vision was so natural to her, to _Garnet_ , that it was almost foreign to think of a situation where someone might not want to use it. 

“I-I’m sorry,” Sapphire said. “I--” 

“I mean, maybe that’s not the best way to use future vision, you know?!” Ruby said. Her arms were at her sides, shaking from anger. “Maybe there are ... I dunno, better things we could be doing with future vision instead of just looking ahead whenever it’s too _inconvenient_ to look at the present!” 

Sapphire glared. This wasn’t like Ruby at all. She was never this harsh to Sapphire. A cold chill ran through the room. 

“Why are you getting so upset at me?” Sapphire said, raising her voice. “What does future vision even have to do with this?!” 

Ruby let out a growl and screamed at the top of her lungs. 

“ _EVERYTHING_!” she shouted. “Future vision has _everything_ to do with why I’m upset! And it’s not _you_ I’m mad at!” 

“What are you talking about?!” Sapphire said. “You’re not making any--” 

Ruby’s eyes were almost bulging out when she shouted. 

“GARNET SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO STOP THIS, _OKAY_?!” 

Sapphire stood in stunned silence. 

“What?” Sapphire whispered. 

Ruby’s eyes flicked to the ground. Her voice began to crack. 

“She should have! She saw _everything_ coming and still couldn’t find a way to stop it! She should have been able to save Rose!” Ruby paused, then pointed to herself with her thumb. Her eyes filled with moisture. “ _I_ should have been able to save Rose!” 

Sapphire didn’t know what to say. She had known Ruby was upset, but this entire time, Sapphire thought it was simply because she was upset with Rose giving up her physical form. She hadn’t considered there might have been more to it than that. Knowing that she had misunderstood the emotions of the Gem she cared about more than anything else made her chest sink. 

“Ruby ...” Sapphire said, choosing her words carefully. “I know this may be hard to accept, but this was Rose’s choice. She told us herself. She wasn’t in some peril she needed to be saved from. There wasn’t anything more we could have done.” 

“Are you _kidding_?” Ruby shouted. “Of course there was more we could have done! We could see the future! _We knew she’d want to do this before she even had the idea!”_ Ruby clenched her fist. “I should have been able to do something! I could have argued better! I could have found the right thing to say! I could have ... I dunno, I could have thrown Greg into the ocean, I COULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING!” 

“Ruby, this wasn’t Greg’s fault either--” 

“ _I know_! I’m not saying I’d actually _do_ that! I’m just ...” Ruby ran her hands across her face and sighed. “I’m just saying. I could have done more. I could have found the right thing to do.” 

Ruby’s voice cracked even more as she started to pace around. 

“I don’t get it,” Ruby said. “I’m supposed to be stronger than this! I should be able to stop bad things from happening, and it seems like no matter how hard I try, I can’t fix everything! Even after five THOUSAND years of being part of Garnet, I still haven’t gotten any better at it! _I hate this_! I ...” Tears dripped down Ruby’s face that immediately turned into steam from her body heat. “I hate knowing every bad thing that could happen to everyone we care about and not being smart or strong or ... _good_ enough to save them ...” 

Sapphire was speechless. She had no idea Ruby had felt this way. How could she _not_ have known this? They had been fused together, they had been of one mind, how could Sapphire only realize this now? How could she not have known future vision was hurting Ruby so much? That _she_ was hurting Ruby so much? 

“Ruby, future vision is useful but ... there’s no way to stop every tragedy from occurring,” Sapphire said. “There’s only so much we can do. You didn’t do anything wrong.” 

Ruby shook her head. 

“No, we’ve changed the future so many times, there had to be a way ...” Ruby clutched at her hair. “I just couldn’t figure it out! And then after Rose died, all we could see was everything bad that could happen to Greg and Amethyst and Pearl and I CAN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO STOP ANY OF THAT EITHER! It’s _relentless_!” 

Sapphire felt a lump in her throat. She wouldn’t admit it, but those visions were ones she had difficulty with as well. She had been trying to keep herself busy because if she let mind drift back to it, she would see-- 

\-- _Amethyst and Greg were in the storage shed in front of the TV, the credits to Lil’ Butler on screen. Greg stood with tears streaming down his face. Amethyst was equally distressed, her eyes filled with concern. Her eyes flicked to the floor, deep in thought, before she looked up and asked Greg to turn around--_

Sapphire touched her forehead, refusing to see what happened next. She had already seen it once; she already knew that potential future went downhill quickly. But before she could stop herself, she saw-- 

\-- _Pearl was on a grassy platform high in the sky in an ancient Gem location. Her feet were halfway over the edge. She looked down. She was so high up she couldn’t even see the ground. Her eyes were wet. She just kept staring downward--_

Sapphire closed her eye tightly. She stopped herself from seeing more. It was so easy to get lost in potential futures. Throughout her life, Sapphire had to learn to control it, tune it out when she had to. She’d had practice. She was able to handle her power without it getting to her. 

But Ruby hadn’t had that experience. No _wonder_ she felt that way. Sapphire cursed herself. How could she have been so blind? 

“I ... I’m so sorry, Ruby,” Sapphire said. “I didn’t realize future vision was such a burden for you. It’s ...” Sapphire paused. “This is my fault.” 

Ruby’s expression changed immediately. Her eyes soften and she put her hands up in protest. 

“What? No! I didn’t mean it like that!” Ruby said. “I mean, yeah, future vision was kinda getting to me a little, but it’s not your fault! The whole reason I didn’t want to talk about this at first was because I _didn’t_ want you to feel that way. I mean, if you weren’t there with me, future vision would have driven me nuts a long time ago!” 

Sapphire’s eye stung. 

“If I wasn’t there with you, you wouldn’t see the future _period_!” Sapphire said. 

Ruby cringed. 

“T-that’s besides the point,” Ruby stammered. “Come on, please don’t be like that. I don’t want you to feel bad, okay?! I don’t want you to think I hated being Garnet or anything!” 

“You _just_ said you hate seeing the future!” 

“Well ... _sometimes I do!_ But I don’t hate being Garnet and _I don’t hate you_! I just--” Ruby clutched her hair with one hand and lowered her voice. “I just wanted some time to deal with this, alright? This is _my_ problem. I didn’t want to worry you with it.” 

Sapphire said nothing. How could she not be worried? She found out her ability had put Ruby in tremendous pain for the longest time. She couldn’t help but feel guilty. 

Before either one of them could say anything else, Steven began to cry. Sapphire saw him laying in the crib, staring at them as he screamed. In the heat of the argument, Sapphire had nearly forgotten he was there. She hoped they weren’t loud enough for him to hear that entire argument. Even if he couldn’t understand it, Sapphire felt horrible for fighting around Rose’s child. 

“I’ll handle this,” Sapphire said stoically as she floated to Steven’s crib. “Greg should be back any minute now.” 

“H-hey, wait,” Ruby said behind her. “Can ... can I help?” 

“You can do whatever you want,” Sapphire said without turning around. She gently reached down and picked Steven up. She rocked him in her arms, but he still cried. 

Sapphire finally looked back at Ruby. Ruby’s eyes were wide, her anger completely gone. 

“A-are you mad at me?” Ruby said. “If you are, I’m sorry!” 

“No,” Sapphire said truthfully. “I’m not mad at you.” 

“Are you okay?” Ruby asked. 

Sapphire hesitated. She thought about everything Ruby had said, all the things she should have sensed before now, all the pain her power had put Ruby through, all those emotions she would never have had to feel if they never formed Garnet ... 

“No,” Sapphire said. “I’m not.”

* * *

Amethyst approached the mirror she had stashed away, hidden in the rocks on this secluded corner of the beach. It was a large rectangular mirror, old and tarnished, but still intact. It was a miracle it hadn’t broken when she pulled it from the piles of garbage in her room. 

She looked into the mirror, seeing her short, stubby self. The one eye not hidden by her long white hair stared back at her. She sighed. 

“I can't believe I'm doing this, this is so pathetic,” Amethyst muttered. She couldn’t believe today had gotten to her so badly she had to come back again, especially after nearly spending the entire afternoon there already. But Ruby had made her so angry, had stared at her like she was such a freak that she couldn’t help it. 

But Amethyst couldn’t even really blame Ruby. After all, she _was_ a freak. No one normal would need to do _this_ to feel better. 

She closed her eyes and focused. She could feel her physical construct fill with light and shift. It was almost second nature to her after doing it so often, especially this past week. 

When Amethyst opened her eyes and looked in the mirror, Rose stared back at her. 

Not exactly Rose, of course. It wasn’t a perfect recreation. Her skin was still purple and her hair was still white. Amethyst’s Gem was still on her chest instead of her stomach. But aside from that, it was almost flawless. Rose’s eyes, her face, her body’s shape ... 

It was almost like she was still there. 

Amethyst smiled, the reflection of her Rose form smiled back at her. 

“H-hey Rose,” Amethyst said awkwardly. She rubbed her shoulder. “I ... I missed you ...” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time .... Chapter Two: Amethyst


	2. Amethyst

“... and then Ruby screams at me like I did something wrong!” said Amethyst to the mirror, her shapeshifted Rose form staring back at her. She sat before the reflection with her knees to her chest, watching the imperfect Rose’s eyes turn harsh as she continued to vent.

“I mean, _really_?!” Amethyst said. “I didn’t do anything to her. I just wanted to see if she was alright. I was just trying to be nice and look where it got me!”

Amethyst folded her arms in a huff. She glanced back up at the mirror and saw Rose’s arms crossed in response. Amethyst groaned.

“Right, right, you’d never look like that,” muttered Amethyst. She brushed her white, curly hair back and rubbed her forehead. “How _would_ you look if I told you all that, anyway?”

Amethyst put her knees back down, sitting in a more dignified fashion. She hid her legs back underneath Rose’s dress and straightened up. She uncrossed her arms and placed her hands gently in her lap.

She smiled. Rose’s reflection smiled back.

“Yeah ... yeah, that looks right,” Amethyst said. “ _Yeah_ , look who’s a classy B now, huh?” She chuckled. “Yeah ... R-Rose would have laughed at that joke.”

Amethyst forced herself to giggle, trying her best to sound how Rose did whenever she saw Amethyst’s antics. Her eyes even twinkled like Rose’s did when she laughed ...

But as soon as Amethyst heard her own laugh, she frowned.

“Doesn’t sound the same,” Amethyst muttered. “Not even close.”

Amethyst sighed. She’d give anything for Rose to actually be there, so she wouldn’t have to lie or _pretend_ or whatever this was. Rose was the one who was always there for Amethyst, the one who was always patient with her. She was the one who found Amethyst after she had been alone in the Kindergarten for ... well, Amethyst couldn’t even _remember_ how long. She didn’t like to think about how she was back then, hardly able to talk or think straight. It didn’t matter to Amethyst what she was before Rose and the Gems found her. All that mattered was she didn’t have to be alone anymore because the Gems were always there for her.

_Rose_ was always there for her.

And now Rose was gone. And everyone else was so wrapped up in their own problems that Amethyst may as well have been alone all over again. Pearl had run away, Sapphire was too worried about Ruby to even care about Amethyst, and Ruby ... Ruby acted like she outright hated Amethyst.

_She knows_ , Amethyst thought. _She has to know. That’s the only thing that makes sense. She knows what a freaking nutcase I am._

Amethyst hated this, all of it. She hated feeling alone, hated knowing she’d never see Rose again, hated that this messed up ritual was the only thing that made her feel less miserable.

She locked eyes with Rose’s reflection.

“I could really use your advice right now,” Amethyst said. She traced her finger in the sand. “I wish I knew what you’d say. I guess maybe you’d say something like ...”

Amethyst smiled she could see the carefree smile Rose always seemed to wear. Even though she could hear her own voice, she imagined the words coming from the real Rose’s mouth.

“‘Ruby doesn’t mean anything by it. She just needs time. That’s all. They _all_ do.’”

Amethyst’s chest felt warm at how authentic her own words sounded.

“Yeah ... that’s probably something you’d say.” Amethyst exhaled. “Maybe you’re right ... but what am _I_ supposed to do? I can’t just keep doing, you know, _this_ forever. I just ...” She lowered her voice. “I just want someone to talk to ...”

Without even thinking about it, she found herself slipping in and out of character as Rose.

“‘Well,’” Amethyst said as Rose. “‘What about Vidalia?’

“Vidalia has enough to worry about without me bothering her. She has a kid to look after. She doesn’t need me adding onto that.”

“‘What about Greg?’”

Almost surprised she had even said that, Amethyst folded her arms.

“What _about_ Greg?” Amethyst said.

“‘Come on, don’t be that way,’” Amethyst said, imagining the gentleness of Rose’s voice. “‘You can’t blame him for what happened. And besides, I ...’” Amethyst’s voice cracked. “‘I know you miss him too.’”

Amethyst glanced at Rose’s reflection, then sighed.

“Yeah ... yeah, I do,” Amethyst said. She put her hand to her face. “It’d be nice to watch Lil’ Butler or something with him for a little while. And you know ...” Amethyst hesitated. “See the ... kid. I guess you’d want me to do that.”

Amethyst saw Rose’s reflection stare back at her. Amethyst nodded.

“Yeah, you would,” Amethyst said. She stood up. “I guess I’ll go do that.”

Amethyst gave a weak smile.

“Thanks Rose,” she said. “I knew you’d help. You know, I’ve always thought you were the only one who really understood me...”

Amethyst gave one last look at Rose’s face before she closed her eyes. She could feel her Gem glow and her physical form shift back into it’s original shape.

When she opened her eyes, it was just Amethyst in the mirror.

Short, sad, _pathetic_ Amethyst.

Amethyst frowned.

“I just ... wish I had ever told you that,” Amethyst said as she turned to leave.

* * *

“Thanks for giving me a lift, Vidalia,” said Greg, stepping out of the pickup in front of the storage unit.

Vidalia slipped out from the driver’s seat and walked to the back cab.

“Hey, it’s no problem,” she said as she unfastened Sour Cream from his car seat. “Besides I wanted to take a look at Greg Jr. anyway.”

Despite himself, Greg laughed.

“Well, thankfully he has a better name than that,” Greg said.

Vidalia lifted Sour Cream from the truck and settled him on the ground. He immediately clung against his mother’s pants leg.

“Hey, now that I think about it, I’m curious ... what were you going to name your kid if it was a girl?” Vidalia said.

Greg scratched his beard.

“We never really decided,” Greg said. “I would have wanted to name her after Rose but um ...” Greg coughed. “Rose was pushing for the name ‘Pearl.’”

Vidalia raised an eyebrow.

“Oh wow,” Vidalia said. “That would have been ... awkward. I thought Pearl-- you know, the actual Pearl-- hated you.”

Greg shook his head as they walked towards the storage unit’s entrance.

“Nah,” Greg said. “Well ... I dunno, it’s kinda complicated. We kinda had a good talk a while back. Things are a little better now.” He paused. “I wish I knew where she was now. Nobody’s seen her since ...” Greg felt a lump in his throat. “Since ... you know...”

Vidalia nodded sadly.

“I see,” she said.

Greg peeked into the storage unit.

“Hello? Sapphire?” Greg called out. “You there?”

“ _Sapphire_?” Vidalia asked.

“Oh, um, long story,” Greg said. “She’s one half of Garnet when she’s split into two people ... er ... two Gems, I mean.”

“... Oh, okay, that makes sense,” Vidalia said without any sarcasm.

“It does?” Greg said with a laugh.

Vidalia shrugged. Sour Cream mimicked his mom with a shrug of his own.

A moment later, Sapphire emerged from the shadows. To Greg’s surprise, another short, red Gem followed her.

_Guess that’s Ruby,_ Greg said. _Hope that means everything’s okay now._

“Hello Greg,” Sapphire said, stopping in front of him.  “Steven fell back asleep a while ago. He did well.”

Ruby stood behind Sapphire silently, her eyes downcast.

“Oh, well, that’s good,” Greg said, trying not to stare at Ruby. “Everything ... alright?”

“Yes. Ruby came to help. Everything is fine.”

Ruby frowned and muttered something Greg couldn’t hear; at the same time, a cold draft hit Greg’s arms. Greg thought it might be best to drop the subject.

Sour Cream looked up at his mom.

“Mommy, it’s cold,” Sour Cream said.

Greg grimaced. Sapphire was silent.

Ruby glanced over at Sour Cream, hesitated a moment, then walked near Sour Cream. Greg could feel the air get warmer as she passed him.

“Hey, it got warm!” Sour Cream said. He smiled and waved at Ruby. “Thank you, red lady!”

“Um ... don’t mention it,” Ruby said, scratching the back of her neck.

Sapphire spoke before Greg could say anything else.

“We should be going now,” she said.

“Oh, well,” Greg started. “Thanks for--”

“You’re welcome, Mr. Universe,” Sapphire said. She floated past Greg out the exit. She didn’t wait for Ruby.

Ruby lingered in front of Greg, then flicked her eyes up at him.

“Hey, um ...” Ruby said softly.

“Yes?” Greg said.

“I, um ...” she said quietly. “I don’t know how much Sapphire told you, but ... I mean, just make sure you ...” Suddenly, she shut her eyes and grunted loudly. “ _Just don’t do anything stupid, alright?!_ ”

Without another word, Ruby bumped past Greg so hard he nearly fell over. Before he could yell for her to wait, she had already run outside and out of sight.

Vidalia stared in silence. Sour Cream smiled at his mother.

“Those ladies seemed nice ...” Sour Cream said.

“Yeah,” Vidalia said, ruffling Sour Cream’s hair. Her eyes darted to Greg. “They were certainly ... interesting.”

“Y-yeah,” Greg said. He walked over to the crib. Despite Ruby’s ouburst, Steven was sound asleep, swaddled in his blanket. Greg reached down and touched Steven’s head.

“You did good, kiddo,” Greg whispered.

Vidalia peered over the crib. She gave a warm smile.

“Wow,” Vidalia said. “I’d almost forgotten how little they are at first.”

“Y-yeah,” Greg said.

“You okay?” Vidalia said.

“Yeah. Don’t worry about it.”

Greg tried to not dwell on Ruby’s words, but it was hard not to. Considering Sapphire’s warning earlier, it wasn’t hard to figure out this was about Amethyst. He couldn’t help but wonder ... why were they both trying so hard to keep Greg from seeing her? What could be _that_ bad?

Greg shook his head. After all, there was no point in focusing on it. All he had to do was give Amethyst some time alone and everything would be fine ...

Sour Cream pointed toward the storage unit entrance, one hand still attached to his mom’s pant leg.

“Ame!” Sour Cream cheered.

The sound of Amethyst’s voice behind him sent a chill down Greg’s spine.

“Short stuff!” Amethyst said. “What, I don’t get a hug now?”

Greg turned to see Sour Cream run to Amethyst. She crouched down and wrapped her arms around him as he barrelled into her.

“Whew!” Amethyst said, almost losing her balance. “Careful, little guy!”

“Ame, do the face!” Sour Cream said, beaming.

Amethyst grinned. There was a flash of light as her face changed into a large replica of Sour Cream’s face. She stuck out her tongue.

Sour Cream giggled and clapped as Amethyst’s face shifted back to normal.

Greg stared at Amethyst, his heart pounding.

_Well ... didn’t take long for that whole ‘just give her time’ plan to tank itself_ , Greg thought.

Amethyst caught eyes with Greg and gave a sly smile.

“Hey Greg. Whatcha looking at?” Her nose flashed white as it grew long and pointy like Pearl’s. “Do I have something on my face?”

Sour Cream laughed even harder as Amethyst’s nose shrunk back to normal.

“Oh, um ... no,” Greg said with a nervous chuckle. “It’s just ... you’re looking ... good.”

Amethyst walked up to Greg and Vidalia. Sour Cream followed, a bright smile stuck on his face.

“Pffft, like I ever look anything less than awesome,” Amethyst said. She glanced up at Vidalia. “Didn’t expect to see you here, V. You should have invited me if there was a party.”

“Oh,” Vidalia said, hesitating for only a moment before smiling. “Heh, come on, you know there’s no such thing as a real party without you.”

“Got that right,” Amethyst said, brushing her hair back with a conceited grin.

Vidalia caught eyes with Greg. Neither one of them said it, but Greg could tell by the look in her eyes they were thinking the same thing. Amethyst taking Rose’s death well was good, but the fact she was acting like nothing was wrong at all was ... off-putting. Ironically, the way she acted made Greg even more worried about her.

Greg cleared his throat.

“Amethyst, are you--” Greg started.

Amethyst cut him off.

“Whoa, check this little dude out,” Amethyst said as she peared in crib.

Steven stirred, unraveling the blanket he had been swaddled in.

Amethyst laughed.

“Look at that, he looks just like you, Greg,” said Amethyst. “Except, you know, cute.”

“Heh ... thanks,” Greg said, trying to hide his unease. He wanted to say he thought Steven looked more like Rose, but he had no clue how Amethyst would react, so he kept it to himself.

Steven shifted in his sleep, his tiny shirt lifting up just enough to see--

Greg felt a lump in his throat. His shirt was high enough that they could all see the pink Gem on his stomach.

Rose’s Gem.

Amethyst’s eyes were wide. Her smile faded.

“... _whoa_...” she whispered.

Vidalia put her hand to her mouth.

“Um ... Amethyst, are you ...” Vidalia started. “You okay?”

Amethyst turned towards Vidalia. She seemed dazed for a moment before she gave an uneasy grin. Greg had never seen a smile look more like a grimace in his entire life.

“Um ... yeah,” Amethyst said. She chuckled nervously. “Yeah, I’m fine. W-why wouldn’t I be?”

Before Greg could say anything, Amethyst turned away, looking around the storage unit.

“So uh, w-what else is cool around here?” Amethyst said, no longer facing Vidalia or Greg. “Been awhile, I’ve almost forgotten all the junk that’s around here.”

“Oh, well ...” Greg started before Vidalia bumped him with her elbow.

“Hey Greg, before I forget, let me show you how that car seat straps in ...” Vidalia said, the look in her eyes making it clear that had nothing to do with what she wanted to talk about. She turned to Amethyst. “Amethyst, you think you can handle Sour Cream for a couple minutes?”

“Hm?” Amethyst said, turning back. She shrugged. “Oh, sure, no problem.”

Sour Cream tilted his head up, grinning from ear to ear.

“ _I get to hang out with Ame?!”_ Sour Cream exclaimed.

“Just for a minute, okay?” Vidalia said.

“ _YES_!” Sour Cream said.

Amethyst laughed, rolling her eyes in an exaggerated manner.

“Ugh, this _popularity_ ...” Amethyst said. “Why do I have to be so _cool_?!”

Sour Cream giggled, barely able to contain his excitement.

Vidalia walked out of the storage unit. Greg followed behind as they approached Vidalia’s truck.

Vidalia didn’t bother hiding her concern anymore. She crossed her arms, glancing back in the storage unit, obviously making sure Amethyst wasn’t close enough to hear.

“You saw that, right?” Vidalia said in a low voice.

“Yeah. Yeah, I saw,” said Greg. “You know, for a second I was almost hoping she really _was_ taking everything that well ...”

“I know,” Vidalia said. She shook her head. “I don’t think anyone would _genuinely_ act fine if they lost one of their friends...”

Greg sighed. He couldn’t even judge Amethyst for putting on an act. After all, he was basically doing the same thing. He could only hope Amethyst didn’t feel as hurt as he did, but he was starting to worry she might actually feel _worse_.

Vidalia rubbed her temple.

“You know, Greg ...” Vidalia said. “It-- it might be a good idea for you two to hang out for a while.”

Greg felt his chest sink.

“I-I mean, I don’t know,” Greg said. “I mean, I’m supposed to give her time to herself--”

“You already _did,_ and she came here anyway,” said Vidalia. “I mean, she wouldn’t have come here if she _didn’t_ want to see you.”

“Well, yeah, but ...” Greg scratched his head. “Okay, so this is gonna sound strange, but Sapphire can see the future ... sorta-kinda see it anyway--”

Vidalia blinked.

“Do you guys just have a _chart_ somewhere that keeps track of all these freaking superpowers or--”

Greg tried not to laugh and failed.

“Well, anyway,” Greg said. “She was acting really weird about me seeing Amethyst. I-- I’m afraid if I hang out with her, something bad is gonna happen. Like I might end up hurting her or something. And I don’t wanna do that! She’s been through enough as it is.”

Vidalia considered for a minute.

“Well, okay, I get that,” said Vidalia. “But think about it: she came all the way here to see you. She hasn’t even done that to me since all this started. She’s reaching out to you. I get you don’t want to hurt her, but wouldn’t blowing her off now be kinda _worse_?”

Greg didn’t have an answer right away. What Vidalia said made sense. Just ignoring Amethyst seemed like a terrible thing to do. Greg had never _wanted_ to do that anyway. But disregarding Sapphire’s warning when she was so concerned didn’t seem smart either. There had to be a compromise.

“Okay,” Greg said, thinking out loud. “Okay, maybe I can ... I dunno, maybe I can just hang out for a bit and if things get weird, then I can stop.” He looked at Vidalia. “Look, if I do this, I really need you to be there for Amethyst in case, you know, something _does_ happen.”

Vidalia nodded.

“Of course. Amethyst is my best friend, of course I’ll help,” she said. “Hell, I’ll even watch Steven for you. That way if you need an out, just say you have to pick him up.”

“You’d really do that? I mean, I don’t want to impose--”

Vidalia rolled her eyes.

“Greg, _please_ ,” she said. “In case you haven’t noticed, I have _some_ experience with children.”

“Well ... yeah ...”

“Shocking news, I know,” Vidalia said with a smirk. “Really, it’s nothing. Besides, it might be easier on Amethyst since ...” Vidalia bit her lip. “Well, based on how she looked when she saw his belly Gem thing ...”

Greg frowned.

“Yeah ... yeah, you’re right,” Greg said. “That might be a good idea.” He took a deep breath. “Okay, yeah ... let me try this.”

Vidalia smiled.

“Thank you, Greg,” she said. “I know this will mean a lot to her.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I know,” he said.

When they went back inside the storage unit, Amethyst was sitting in the floor with Sour Cream. Her hand had shifted into a circular fan blowing air in the toddler’s face.

“ _Ahh_ hhh _hhhhhh_ hhhh _hh_!” Sour Cream yelled into the fan as it spun. He chuckled. “It sounds all wobbly.”

“I know, isn’t that _cool_?!” Amethyst said.

Greg couldn’t help but smile. Despite everything, part of him felt more at ease having Amethyst around. She always had that effect on people.

Vidalia cleared her throat.

“Hey, Amethyst?” she said.

“Hm?” Amethyst looked up as her hand changed back to normal. “Yo.”

“I actually offered to watch Steven for a while,” Vidalia said. She nodded her head towards Greg. “Why don’t you do me a favor and look after this one a bit? You know, if you want to.”

The corner of Amethyst’s mouth curved upward. Greg could tell she appreciated Vidalia’s offer; it was all over her face. But being Amethyst, she closed her eyes and played it cool.

“Meh,” Amethyst said. “I suppose I could work it into my schedule.”

“Great!” Vidalia said as she walked to the crib. She lifted up Steven, cradling him. “Alright little man, I got you.” She turned to her son. “Come on, sweet pea, we gotta go.”

Sour Cream groaned.

“Awww, I wanted to hang out with Ame more,” said Sour Cream.

Greg couldn’t help but notice Amethyst blush when she heard Sour Cream say that.

“I know,” Vidalia said, “but you can play with your aunt Ame another time. Come on.”

“O-kay,” Sour Cream said with a sigh. He hugged Amethyst’s knee. “Bye Ame!”  
  
Amethyst was stunned for a second or two before she patted Sour Cream on the back.

“Bye short stuff,” Amethyst said, her voice slightly shaky. “Take care.”

Sour Cream let go of Amethyst’s knee, then ran up to his mom. Vidalia gave Greg a quick wink and she walked out of the storage unit. Greg smiled and mouthed the words “thank you” as she left.

Amethyst had a genuine smile as she watched Sour Cream and Vidalia leave.

“Kids, huh?” Amethyst said, touching her knee. “They can be kinda cool sometimes.” Her eyes fell. “ _She_ always said she liked kids, you know.“

Greg frowned. He didn't have to ask who Amethyst meant.

“Look, Amethyst,” said Greg, “if you want to talk about--”

“No, I don't,” she said, unable to look Greg in the face. “I mean, thanks for offering but ... no.”

There was an awkward silence. They heard Vidalia’s truck rumble to life outside and pull off. After what seemed like forever,  Amethyst chuckled.

“You know what I want to do?” Amethyst said. “What I _really_ want to do?”

“What?” asked Greg.

Amethyst got to her feet and stretched, smiling at Greg.

“Wanna watch Lil’ Butler?” she asked. “I could use a good watch of the Hawaii two-parter.”

Greg couldn’t help but laugh.

“You know, that might be fun,” he said. “T-that was a really cool one. It’s just so ... beachy.”

“Greg, you _live_ at the beach.”

“What’s your point?”

Amethyst burst out laughing, clutching her stomach. Greg had to say it felt good to hear her laugh like that.

Greg walked to the corner where he kept the box of Lil’ Butler tapes. He could hardly remember the last time he and Amethyst watched the tapes. Greg had spent as much time with Rose as possible as Steven’s birth got closer, so he hadn’t had much time for Amethyst. He had felt guilty about it, but at least now they could hopefully relax and feel a little better.

And, honestly, a watch of something dumb and happy sounded pretty good to Greg too.

He opened the box and pulled out a tape marked “Hawaii 1.”

Amethyst lept over the back of the couch and onto the cushion.

“Come on, hurry up!” Amethyst said, excited. “We ain’t got all day.”

Greg smiled, walked over to the TV, and slipped the tape into the VCR.

As he pushed play, he started to wonder why he was so worried before. It felt good to have a little fun considering everything that happened. Maybe Sapphire was wrong. Rose had said Garnet’s future vision wasn’t 100% accurate. Maybe everything would be fine. They were just watching Lil’ Butler ...

What was the worst that could happen?

* * *

Amethyst wasn’t sure how, but somehow watching the Hawaii special turned into a full rewatch of the third season. Not that Amethyst minded. Watching this show with Greg was the only fun she’d had all week.

Greg yawned as the credits rolled on the episode where Daughter Money’s nose got broken by a football.

“Oh wow,” Greg said, rubbing his eye. “I forgot how good that one was.”

“Hehe, yeah,” Amethyst said. Her face hurt from smiling so much. “Classic.”

“What’s the next one?” Greg asked.

“It’s, um ... ooh, ooh, I know! It’s the one where Lil’ Butler goes to work for the Richingtons for a week!”

“Oh my god, that one’s so good!”

“ _I know_!”

Greg slid to the floor and searched through the box of tapes.

Amethyst watched Greg and smiled. She felt so much better after seeing him. She felt guilty for ever thinking any less of him. In her darker moments, when Rose had spent her final days with Greg, Amethyst had started to feel Greg was--

She shook her head, not even wanting to finish her thought.

_Don’t be stupid,_ Amethyst thought. _Don’t even go there. It’s not anyone’s fault. Just don’t think about it._

Amethyst didn’t want to think bad things about Greg. _Rose_ wouldn't want her to either. It wasn’t worth dwelling on, she told herself. Just enjoy being around him.

_Just don’t think about it._

Greg pulled a tape out of the box.

“Al-right, got it! Let’s just--” Greg glanced towards the front of the storage unit. “Wait _, how is it night already_?!”

Amethyst looked behind the back of the couch towards the entrance. It was pitch black outside.

“Oh wow,” Amethyst said. She chuckled. “I didn’t realize it’d been that long.”

Greg put the tape down. He went to the corner and frantically rummaged through a box of junk.

“Come on, I know that clock was around here somewhere,” he muttered.

Seconds later, Greg pulled a busted-up clock-radio from the box. It displayed 2:45 PM in green.

“OH MY GOD, IT’S ALMOST 3 IN THE MORNING!” Greg said, his eyes wide. “I was supposed to call Vidalia to bring Steven back. I-- I gotta go get him!”

“Huh?” Amethyst said.

“I gotta run and get the van. I knew I should have just brought that thing over here.” He turned to Amethyst. “Thanks for coming, Amethyst. I really had a good time. We should do this again soon.”

_Soon_? Amethyst didn’t want them to stop _now_. As stupid as it sounded, the thought of leaving filled Amethyst with dread. The only thing waiting for her at the temple were two Gems who didn’t care about her. Just picturing another shouting match with Ruby made Amethyst feel ill. It ... it was just too sudden. Why couldn’t they just watch Lil’ Butler a little more?

Why couldn’t she be happy just a little longer?

Greg was about to walk outside when Amethyst heard herself yell.

“Hey wait!” Amethyst said.

“What’s wrong?” Greg asked, stopping in his tracks.

“Um ...” Amethyst gave a nervous chuckle. “M-maybe you should just let Steven stay the night at Vidalia’s.”

“What? I can’t do that,” Greg said. “That’s--”

“W-well, think about it. It’s almost three now. Steven’s gonna be asleep and Vidalia probably is too. And, you know, if you pick him up, he’ll probably be up all night and so will you ... I mean, it-- it really makes more sense to just let him stay the night.”

Greg paused for a minute, scratching the back of his head.

“Well I ... I guess that’s a good point,” Greg said.

Amethyst was surprised her argument sounded as good as it did considering she was making up every reason on the fly.

“And actually, it’s probably not a good idea for you to be driving anyway,” Amethyst said. She waved her hand at Greg. “I mean, you look really tired. That’s like ... I dunno, not safe or something.”

Greg felt the bags under his eyes. He sighed and sat down on the couch.

“Ugh, maybe you’re right,” Greg said. “That seems like such a rotten thing to do to her though.”

“Pffft, are you kidding? Vidalia won’t mind. Trust me.”

“I should--” Greg yawned. “I should at least call or something--”

Amethyst touched Greg’s shoulder.

“Come on, you’re exhausted,” Amethyst said. “Why don’t you lay down for a bit? Let me call V.”

Greg rubbed his face with both hands.

“Yeah ... yeah, I could probably use that.” He smiled at Amethyst. “Thanks.”

Amethyst grinned as wide as she could. Inside, she was cheering. She had an excuse to stay. She didn’t have to go home and feel miserable. She had just a little relief.

Greg pulled some change out of his pocket.

“There’s a payphone around the corner,” Greg said. “This should be enough. You just put the money in and--”

“I know how a payphone works, Greg,” Amethyst said.

Greg nodded.

“Oh. Okay, then.” Greg rested his head against the back of the couch. “I’ll just ... rest my eyes for a bit then.”

“Sure thing, bud,” Amethyst said, getting up from the couch.

She walked outside. The payphone wasn’t hard to find, just right around the corner past a few other storage units. The phone dangled off the hook, the cord slowly swinging back and forth.

Amethyst held the phone to her ear. She checked the coinslot, which had a sign asking for 25 cents. Underneath in white letters it read “Quarters Only.”

Amethyst glanced at the coins in her free hand. There were two dimes and a nickel. She narrowed her eyes before shrugging and throwing the change over her shoulder. She held her index finger to the coin slot. Her fingertip flashed white as it contorted to the shape of a quarter. She stretched her finger down into the slot. After a moment of wiggling around, she felt an internal switch trip. The speaker of the phone played a dial-tone as she retracted her finger.

Amethyst chuckled under her breath, proud she had beat the system.

She dialed Vidalia’s number. It only rang once before there was answer.

“Greg, is that you?!” Vidalia said on the phone. She sounded distressed.

“Hello, are you interested in changing your long distance service provider?” Amethyst paused. “Psyche. It’s me, Amethyst.”

Vidalia didn’t laugh.

“Oh my god, Amethyst, is everything okay?!” Vidalia said. “I hadn’t heard anything from Greg and I was getting worried. I was about to get Steven up and come down there--”

“No no, everything’s great, for real.” Amethyst twirled the phone cord around her finger. “Listen, can you do me a favor?”

“Um, okay. What is it?”

“Well ... would you be okay watching Steven for the night?”

“Well ... yeah, that’d be fine, but what’s going on?”

“Nothing, I just thought it might be a good idea. Greg and I have just been hanging out this whole time and he could use some sleep, you know. He’s really tired ...”

There was a long pause.

“Now,” Vidalia said carefully, “when you say he’s really tired from ‘hanging out,’ do you mean ‘hanging out’ or ... ‘ _hanging out_?’”

Amethyst cocked an eyebrow.

“What do you--” Then Amethyst realized what Vidalia was asking. She started blushing. “WHAT?! _NO_!”

“Well, I mean, you _are_ calling me at three in the morning to watch his kid for the night so--”

Amethyst ran her hand through her bangs, her face feeling hot.

“That’s-- you have a dirty mind, V. _Jeez_...”

Vidalia laughed.

“Okay, okay, sorry,” Vidalia said. “Yeah, I don’t mind watching Steven. That’s no big deal.”

“Awesome. Awesome ...” Amethyst took a breath. “Actually, is there one other favor I can ask you?”

Vidalia’s voice got serious.

“Yeah. What it is?” Vidalia asked.

“Yeah just ... if it’s okay with you, could you maybe like ... _offer_ to watch Steven a few more times for Greg?” Amethyst said.

“Um ... okay, but why?”

Amethyst paced back and forth, still holding the phone to her ear.

“Well, it’s just-- I dunno, I just wanted to hang out with him a little more. I’ve had a really good time.”

“Now, when you say--”

“Not _that_ kind of good time!” Amethyst said. “Come on, that’s not funny.”

Vidalia paused.

“Okay, sorry,” Vidalia said. “Yeah ... okay, yeah, I think I can do that. But is it okay if I ask you something? And just please be real with me for a second.”

“Yeah?” Amethyst said.

“ _Are_ you okay? Like ... for real?”

Amethyst stopped pacing. She was silent.

“Are you still there?” Vidalia asked.

“Yeah ...” Amethyst sighed. “I-- I dunno. I feel better today than I have all week. I mean, things have been awful at home and ...” She groaned. “I just don’t wanna talk about it.”

“... okay. Okay, I understand. Just remember, when you do need to talk--”

“Yeah, I know,” Amethyst said. “Thanks.”

That was one thing Amethyst loved about Vidalia: she was never pushy about things like this. Amethyst only wished everyone was so considerate.

“Well,” Vidalia said, “the kids are both asleep so I think I’ll turn in too. Tell Greg I said take care.”

“I will. Thanks, girl.”

“No problem. Bye.”

“Bye.”

There was a click followed by a dialtone. Amethyst hung up.

When Amethyst returned to the storage unit, Greg was already asleep, sprawled on the couch and snoring.

_Wow, guess he really was that tired,_ Amethyst thought, looking down at him.

Amethyst thought she’d be disappointed he was asleep. After all, the reason she wanted to stay was so they could watch more Lil’ Butler and have fun, but somehow she wasn’t upset. Somehow just being there with someone who cared, someone who wasn’t judging her, someone who didn’t make her feel lonely ... that was enough.

Amethyst’s eyes lingered on Greg for a moment before she walked to Steven’s crib. She pulled one of the tiny blankets from it and gently placed it over Greg. It barely covered half of him, but at least it was something. Greg stirred in his sleep and pulled the blanket to his face. Amethyst gave a small smile.

Amethyst sat on the floor, her back against the bottom of the couch. She didn’t put on another episode of Lil’ Butler. She just sat and listened to Greg snore, enjoying the constant reminder she wasn’t alone ...

* * *

_It happens tonight_ , Sapphire thought as she stepped out the temple door.

It had been four days since Sapphire watched Steven and had the conversation with Ruby. Since then, she’d tried not to think about the entire situation. She tried not to notice Amethyst was leaving the temple each night to spend time with Greg, despite Sapphire’s attempts to warn him. She tried not to realize that the possible futures where things didn’t go bad were dwindling to nothing. She tried not to dwell on the fact future vision made it clear anything Ruby might try would make things _worse_.

She tried not to think about any of those things. But Sapphire wasn’t good at _not_ thinking.

When Sapphire emerged from the temple door, Ruby was sitting on the Warp Pad, waiting. But Sapphire knew Ruby wasn’t waiting for her. She’d already seen it. In a few minutes, Amethyst would try to leave, and no matter what Ruby tries, she won’t stop her.

When Ruby saw Sapphire walk up, she shifted her eyes down to the floor.

Sapphire stopped in front of Ruby. Sapphire had thought for a long time about what she wanted to say. Sapphire didn’t care if it didn’t change the final result. She had to say it. For Ruby’s sake.

“May I sit with you?” Sapphire asked.

Ruby glanced up, but said nothing. She simply waved one hand to the empty spot next to her. Sapphire sat next to Ruby.

To Sapphire’s surprise, Ruby spoke first.

“... tonight’s when it happens, right?” Ruby asked. She sounded weary.

Sapphire didn’t look at Ruby. She said nothing.

Ruby nodded.

“Yeah, I thought so.” Ruby said. “I could tell from how you’ve been all day. You always get quiet when you’re nervous.”

“I’m _always_ quiet,” Sapphire said.

“Not this quiet.” Ruby said. She put her hands to her face. “I was afraid of that ...”

Sapphire took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry for getting so upset before,” Sapphire said. “I had no idea how you felt. I couldn’t help but think that I had hurt you by forming Garnet and sharing future vision with you. I ... I was in shock. I’m sorry. I’m not mad at you.”

“I’m not mad at you either,” Ruby said sadly. “I just--”

“Didn’t know what to say?”

Ruby glared at Sapphire.

“Did you just use future vision to know I was going to say that?” Ruby asked.

“No,” Sapphire said. “I just knew because I didn’t know what to say either.”

“... oh,” Ruby said. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Sapphire brushed her hair from her eye. “You had it backwards.”

“What?”

“What you said before,” Sapphire said. “You said you felt weak because you could see bad things happen but couldn’t stop them ... you had it all backwards.” She flicked her eye over to Ruby. “You’re strong because you see things you know you might not be able to change, but you try anyway.”

Ruby stared at Sapphire and frowned.

“Trying isn’t good enough,” Ruby said.

“Yes, it is,” Sapphire said. “Seeing how inflexible the future can be ... it’s easy to give up, to feel that there’s nothing to change, to not even try.” Sapphire clasped her hands together. “Before we met, I thought that was the only way to view the future, as simply inevitable.” Sapphire smiled. “But not you. _Never_ you. That’s how you were able to save me when we first met. It’s one of the things I love most about you.”

Ruby’s cheeks turned an even deeper shade of red.

“There are going to be some things we can’t change,” Sapphire went on, “but without you ... Garnet would never have been able to change anything at all. That’s where her strength comes from. From you.”

Ruby nodded silently, a tiny smile creeping on her face.

“You know what Garnet gets from you?” Ruby said after a moment.

“What?” Sapphire asked.

“How sweet she is,” Ruby said. “Not to mention her good looks.”

Sapphire blushed and smiled back at Ruby.

“I don’t know,” Sapphire said. “I’ve always thought you were the _hot_ one.”

Ruby snorted and covered her mouth.

“Did you _actually_ just make a pun?!” Ruby said, trying not to laugh.

Sapphire shrugged. Ruby chuckled.

“That was _horrible_ ,” Ruby said. “I’m glad Garnet gets her sense of humor from me.”

They both laughed. Ruby touched Sapphire’s cheek, her hand reassuringly warm.

“Thank you,” Ruby said with the same tender look in her eyes Sapphire fell for thousands of years ago. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Sapphire said.

Before they could say anything else, the temple door glowed white. Ruby tensed up.

“Ruby ...” Sapphire started.

“I have to try,” Ruby whispered.

The glow disappeared as Amethyst stepped through the doorway. Her eyes went wide once they fell on Ruby and Sapphire.

“Amethyst ...” Ruby said.

Amethyst said nothing. She narrowed her eyes and started to walk around the Warp Pad, ignoring Ruby.

Ruby stood up.

“Amethyst, I want to talk,” Ruby said. To Sapphire’s surprise, Ruby didn’t yell. It seemed like she was doing everything possible to keep it together.

Amethyst didn’t even stop walking.

“Great, awesome,” Amethyst said without looking at Ruby. “Do all the talking you want after I leave. I got stuff to do.”

Ruby grabbed Amethyst’s wrist before she could walk away.

“Please,” Ruby said. “Don’t go.”

Amethyst didn’t turn around. Her voice took a harsher edge.

“ _Let go of me_ ,” Amethyst said.

“Just listen for a second!” Ruby said. “I know you’re going to see Greg and I know you’re going to ...” She hesitated. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but you’re going to hurt him!”

“I’m not going to hurt _anyone_ , except maybe _you_ if you don’t let me go!” Amethyst said.

“I know you don’t want to hurt anyone! That’s why I’m saying this! _I’m trying to protect you_!”

Sapphire, unable to remain silent any longer, spoke up.

“It’s ... it’s true, Amethyst,” Sapphire said. “I’ve seen it. It’ll be an accident. You’ll be trying to help, but in the end you get upset and you--”

Amethyst turned around, glaring.

“Will you both stop talking like I have no control over my own life?!” Amethyst said through gritted teeth. “I’m not gonna hurt Greg and, really, whatever I do is none of your business anyway, so _let me go_!”

Amethyst tried to pull away, but Ruby didn’t let go.

“Amethyst, please listen to me!” Ruby shouted. “I know you’re angry! I know, I was angry too. It’s okay to be angry, but if you keep bottling it up, _it’s going to hurt both of you_!”

“Let. Go,” Amethyst said.

“ _You can’t just use Greg to run away from what happened to Rose forever_!”

“I said LET--”

Amethyst started to twist around, her free hand swinging out. Sapphire yelled out.

“ _Ruby_!” Sapphire shouted as she pushed Ruby out of the way. Ruby’s grip broke from Amethyst’s wrist as she toppled onto the Warp Pad.

“ _GO_!” Amethyst shouted as her hand connected with Sapphire’s cheek. Sapphire fell to the floor, her vision dazed from the force of the blow.

Amethyst’s face went pale, horrified by what she had done. She clasped her hand over her mouth.

“SAPPHIRE!” Ruby shouted as she ran and stood over Sapphire.

Amethyst was shaking. She held out her hand.

“I- I’m sorry, I-- I didn’t mean--” she said.

Ruby glared at Amethyst, baring her teeth. The room instantly felt sweltering hot.

Amethyst hesitated for a moment before she ran away as fast as possible.

Ruby looked like she was about to chase Amethyst down, but stopped when Sapphire groaned. Ruby’s anger dropped in an instant. She knelt next to Sapphire.

“Sapphire, are you okay?” Ruby said. She brushed the hair from Sapphire face. “Oh my gosh, you’re bruised!”

Sapphire touched her cheek and winced.

“It’s ... it’s fine,” Sapphire said.

Ruby grimaced and glanced in the direction Amethyst ran.

“ _I’m gonna kill her_!” Ruby yelled as she stood up.

Sapphire pulled herself up from the floor.

“Ruby, it was an accident and you know it,” Sapphire said. “I _know_ you don’t really mean that.”

Ruby clenched her fists. She closed her eyes, silent. Sapphire could tell she was trying to compose herself.

“... there’s still time,” Ruby whispered. “I could catch up and--”

“Ruby ... I don’t think anything we could do right now would help,” Sapphire said.

Ruby locked eyes with Sapphire.

“No ... no no, maybe if I can just like ...” Ruby rubbed her forehead. “Maybe I could head to Greg’s and throw her out--”

“That wouldn’t make either of them any happier.”

“It wouldn’t be AS bad as just letting it happen! Well ... okay, maybe I can ... ugh! I dunno, I could break all the Lil’ Butler tapes or--”

“RUBY!” Sapphire shouted.

Ruby stared back at her.

“I’m sorry,” Sapphire said. “I know you tried ... I’m sorry.”

Ruby had nothing to say to that. She shut her eyes as they filled with moisture.

“Crap,” Ruby whispered. “You know, for a second, I really thought I could ...”

Sapphire touched Ruby’s shoulder.

“I know,” Sapphire said. “I’m so sorry.”

Ruby said nothing. She just gently took Sapphire’s hand. They moved closer together.

As they did, they glowed with a white light ...

* * *

Greg knew something was wrong the second Amethyst ran into the storage unit.

Greg hadn’t been waiting for Amethyst long; it had only been about fifteen minutes since Vidalia picked Steven up. He sat on the couch in anticipation. But when he heard Amethyst’s hurried footsteps and saw the pale look on her face, his heart sank. Something must have happened.

“Amethyst!” said Greg as she ran in. “What’s wrong? Are you alright?”

Amethyst didn’t say anything at first. She didn’t even look at Greg. Her breathing was heavy. She paced back and forth before plopping down on the opposite side of the couch. She put her hands to her face, shaking. Greg had never seen Amethyst like this before.

“... I’m fine,” Amethyst said finally.

“Don’t give me that, Amethyst,” said Greg. “Come on, you can talk to me. What’s going on?”

“I don’t want to talk about anything,” Amethyst said quietly. “What ... what tape of Lil’ Butler were we up to?”

Greg’s stomach felt sour. He remembered Sapphire’s warning.

“Look, maybe we shouldn’t do this right now,” Greg said.

“No,” Amethyst said, hands still covering her face. “Let’s just watch, okay? Don’t worry about it.”

“Amethyst--”

Amethyst dropped her hands from her face.

“ _Just let me have this, okay_?!” Amethyst shouted, her eyes shut.

Greg flinched. He wasn’t sure what to do. He was worried for Amethyst and he had a bad feeling this had _something_ to do with whatever Sapphire was warning him about. But when he saw Amethyst that upset, he didn’t have the heart to say no to her.

“O ... okay ...” Greg said. “I’ll just-- I’ll just put a tape in.”

“Thank you,” she said. She still refused to look Greg in the eye when she spoke.

When Greg knelt next to the box of tapes, Amethyst asked, “I didn’t do anything to hurt your feelings, did I?”

“What?” Greg said.

“Like ... I haven’t hurt you, right?”

“N-no, why are you--”

Amethyst’s eyes met Greg’s.

“You mean that, right?” she said. “You promise I haven’t?”

“Yes, I mean that. Where did that come from?”

Amethyst crossed her arms and hugged her shoulders.

“I just ... needed to hear that,” Amethyst said.

Greg was bewildered, but he didn’t press the issue. He knew Amethyst wouldn’t have given him a straight answer anyway, at least not until she calmed down.

Greg took one of the Lil’ Butler tapes from the box, put it in the VCR, and pushed play. He sat next to Amethyst on the couch.

She was mostly silent as they watched that episode. But then when that finished, Greg put in another tape.

And then another.

A few tapes in, almost two hours later, Amethyst was smiling and laughing like nothing had ever happened.

Greg tried not to wonder if she actually felt better or was just pretending.

“Wow,” Amethyst said with a laugh as the credits rolled on the episode they just watched. “I still can’t believe one. I mean, Daughter Money hits reverse on the car and it crashes through the kitchen? How is no one more upset about that?”

Greg laughed with her. He was still worried, incredibly worried, but at least Amethyst was smiling now ...

“Yeah,” Greg said. “Well, I mean, they are super rich.”

“Yeah, but still, she crashed a _car_ in the _house_. You’d think Lil Butler would have a little bit more to say than just ...”

Without warning, Amethyst’s body glowed. Greg backed up as her form shifted into a purple recreation of Lil’ Butler, white mustache and male-patterned baldness included. Amethyst stood on the couch.

“‘I’m not cleaning _that_ one up,’” Amethyst said in a decent imitation of Lil’ Butler’s childish tone.

Greg snickered.

“Whoa, that’s not a bad impression,” said Greg. “Heh ... sometimes I kinda forget you can change into anything.”

Amethyst’s body lit up for a moment before she settled back into her normal shape. She smiled.

“Pretty cool, right?” Amethyst said.

“Well ... yeah, actually. It’s a pretty neat talent.”

Amethyst glanced down at the floor. It was hard to tell in the darkness of the storage shed, but it looked like she was blushing.

“Oh wow ...” Amethyst said quietly.

“What?” Greg said.

“Nothing, nothing,” Amethyst said. “Just ... nobody’s ever called that a ‘talent’ before ...” She tilted her head back, grinning ear to ear. “Hey, wanna see something even cooler?”

Greg nodded. The tape had ended and the TV was stuck on white static, but Greg didn’t mind. Seeing Amethyst have fun made Greg happier than any episode of Lil’ Butler could have.

Amethyst slid off the couch and stood in the middle of the floor.

“Okay,” Amethyst said, holding both hands in front of her. “Okay, check this out. This’ll be _great_.”

Amethyst glowed and changed again. This time, to Greg’s surprise, she settled into a purple image of Greg himself. Greg couldn’t help but laugh seeing it.

“Hehe, pretty cool right?” Amethyst said, her normal voice unchanged despite looking nearly identical to Greg.

“Haha, whoa, that’s ... that’s pretty good,” Greg said. “Wow, you even got the receding hairline right ... not sure how I feel about that, haha.”

“Yeah,” Amethyst said with a chuckle. “Not to mention the ‘I don’t care’ beard you rock now. Now personally, I much prefer--”

Amethyst lit up once again as her body changed into to a younger version of Greg. Greg was shocked; aside from being purple, she looked exactly how he did when he first met the Gems. No beard, long brown hair ... she had the black shirt with the sleeves torn off he always wore.

“-- _the original model_!” Amethyst said.

Without even meaning to, Greg began laughing. He ran his hand through his hair.

“Oh _wow_! That’s _amazing_!” said Greg.

Amethyst smiled back at him. It was weird to see, considering he was basically watching _himself_ smile, but Greg didn’t mind.

“Thanks,” Amethyst said. She struck a dramatic pose and pointed to the sky. She cleared her throat and began to speak in a purposely bad impression of Greg’s voice.

“‘This song goes out to all the weird rock things in the audience,’” Amethyst said. “‘It’s a brand new song off my new album. It’s called ‘I Live in a Van (But You Live in My Heart).’ The ‘But You Live in My Heart’ part is in parenthesis. That- that’s important.’”

Greg clutched his stomach, doubled over laughing. He laughed so hard he found himself gasping for breath.

“Oh god, that’s-- yeah!” Greg managed to say between breaths.

Amethyst, clearly pleased with herself, kept doing her impression.

“‘Now I gotta tell you guys, my amp is broken so you won’t get to hear how it actually sounds now. But I’ll just strum the electric guitar here and ... you know, even though it’s not hooked to anything, you can use your imagination.’” Amethyst paused. “‘Did I mention I’m a professional?’”

Greg laughed even harder. He teared up.

“ _Oh god_ , I actually did something like that once,” Greg said.

“Pfffft, haha!” Amethyst said. “ _Seriously_?!”

“Hehe, yeah!” Greg said. He took another breath. “Oh _man_ , that’s amazing! You _have_ to show Rose, she’ll think it’s _hilarious_!”

In an instant, Amethyst stopped laughing. Her smile was gone. She stared at Greg as she glowed white and shifted back to normal.

“What did you say?” Amethyst said, so quietly Greg strained to hear her over his own laugher.

Greg tried to stop laughing long enough to speak.

“I said you should show that to Rose,” Greg said, still snickering. “I just think she’d ...”  Greg stopped. He suddenly realized what he had just said. “She ... would ...

“ _Oh_ ...

_“... right_ ,” he whispered.

Greg fell back against the couch. Amethyst said nothing. Greg rubbed his temple.

“You know,” Greg said, trying to ignore the heaviness in his chest, “it’s funny. We were laughing so hard there for a second I guess I kinda ... forgot ...”

Greg sat, looking ahead at nothing. What seemed like an eternity later, Amethyst smiled nervously.

“H-hey, it’s um ...” Amethyst glanced back at the TV. “Hey, we forgot to put in another tape. Let me go and-- yeah.”

Amethyst picked up the box of tapes and started flicking through it.

“Yeah, w-what’s a good one?” Amethyst muttered. “There’s um ... there’s the one where they try to--”

Amethyst kept talking, but Greg hardly heard her.

_She would have thought it was funny_ , Greg thought. Rose would have laughed so hard at Amethyst’s impression. He could almost see the goofy look on her face she always got before bursting out laughing. She would have had that glint in her eye she always did when she thought something was wonderful.

She would have been so _happy_.

She--

Greg felt something inside himself give way. His eyes burned. He covered them as he felt tears pour out. Despite his efforts to stop it, a sob escaped his lips.

He saw Amethyst through the gaps in his finger. She saw Greg and looked mortified.

“Greg!” Amethyst said as she threw the box of tapes to the floor. She ran up to him. He felt her hand grip his shoulder. “H-hey, it’s okay--”

He could hardly hold it together enough to speak.

“I’m sorry,” he said between short, painful breaths. His voice sounded so high-pitched, so crackled, that he hardly even recognized it as his own. His stomach was tied into knots. The tears didn’t stop. “ _Oh god_...”

“No no, it’s fine,” Amethyst said. She tried to smile. “Look, it’s okay, Greg. Come on ... I know, w-we could watch your favorite episode. Y-you know, the one where they go on the Japanese game show. Come on, i-- it’ll be--” Amethyst’s fake smile dropped as she suddenly pleaded, “ _Please stop crying, Greg!”_

“I’m sorry,” he said. He dropped his hands to his lap. His vision blurred from the tears. “I just ... I miss her.”

Amethyst let go of his shoulder and took a step back. She looked more solemn and serious than Greg had ever seen her.

“I know you do ...” Amethyst whispered. She glanced at her feet. “Hey, um, Greg ...”

Greg looked at her. She didn’t make eye-contact.

“Stand up for a second,” Amethyst said.

Greg wasn’t sure why Amethyst said that, but he nodded and did as she asked. Amethyst still wouldn’t meet his gaze.

“Turn around,” Amethyst said.

“Wha--” Greg asked. Amethyst cut him off.

“Just ... turn around.”

Greg was even more puzzled by this, but he still turned around; he didn’t want anyone to see him like this anyway. He rubbed tears from his eyes as he stared at the wall.

He heard the whooshing sound of fabric brushing against the floor.

“You can turn back around now,” Amethyst said.

Greg did.

He instantly wished he hadn’t.

His heart skipped a beat, because for a split second, he thought Rose really was in front of him, towering over him with her big, flowing dress. But when he noticed the purple skin and the Gem on her chest, he realized it was Amethyst.

Amethyst smiled with Rose’s mouth. He couldn’t believe how little it looked like Rose’s actual smiles.

“Well?” Amethyst said in a low voice. “How do I look?”

Greg opened his mouth but no words came out. He felt a chill run through his entire body. He felt his hands start to shake.

If Amethyst could tell how horrified Greg was, she didn’t show it. She laughed.

It didn’t sound like Rose’s laugh at all.

“Pretty cool, huh?” said Amethyst. “I-- I mean it’s not perfect but I think it’s pretty good.”

“Amethyst ... what is this?” Greg said.

Amethyst frowned. She brushed her curly hair-- Rose’s hair-- back.

“It’s ...” Amethyst gave a weak smile. “I mean, I was just thinking, if you want, I can just-- I could stay like this. You know ... while I’m here.”

Greg felt the blood drain from his face.

“I mean, that’d help, right?” Amethyst went on. “I could just look like this while we watch Lil’ Butler and, you know, you wouldn’t have to feel so sad. I can stay like this as long as you want. That’d be fun, right? It’d be--”

“Amethyst.”

Amethyst stopped talking. Greg turned away. He wasn’t able to look straight at Amethyst. Not when she looked like that.

“Please ...” Greg said, his eyes getting wet once again. “Change back.”

Amethyst stared at Greg in disbelief.

“What’s wrong?” she asked. “Did I not get how she looked right?”

“It’s not that,” Greg said. He didn’t face her.

“I mean, I know it’s not _exactly_ like her but--”

“It’s not that, Amethyst.”

“Why aren’t you looking at me?” Amethyst said. “Don’t you _want_ to see her again?”

Unable to stop himself, Greg heard himself blurt the words out.

“ _You’re not her, Amethyst_!”

Realizing how harsh he sounded, Greg finally managed to look at Amethyst. She took a step back, Rose’s dress brushing against the floor. Her eyes were wide and her expression was empty, almost hurt.

“I ... I’m sorry,” Greg whispered. “I didn’t mean to sound so harsh--”

“You think I don’t know I’m not her?” Amethyst said. She was whispering, but there was a harsh edge to it. “You think I wouldn’t bring her back for real if I could?”

“I--” Greg couldn’t think of anything else to say.

Amethyst glared, her lips quivering in anger. It was so unlike an expression Rose would make that it Greg cringe.

“ _You think you’re the only one who misses her?!_ ” Amethyst shouted.

“No, Amethyst, I know you miss her. But it’s just ...” He held his hand up, shielding his eyes from Amethyst. “I can’t-- this isn’t right. Please change back. You don’t understand--”

Amethyst clenched her fists.

“ _I don’t understand_?!” Amethyst said through gritted teeth. “Are you really saying that? Are you REALLY saying I don’t understand?!”

“Amethyst, I didn’t mean it like--”

“No, Greg, let me tell you something YOU don’t understand! _You_ don’t know what it’s like to have someone who always watched over you for thousands of years and then just--” Amethyst screamed the next words. “Just have them just suddenly GONE! _Because of you_!”

The last words hit Greg like a gut punch. He straightened up, trying to remain composed.

“I know you’re upset, so I’m gonna ignore that,” Greg said. “I know you don’t really mean that.”

“Oh!” Amethyst said. “Oh, you-- you know that? _Really_?”

Greg turned his back to Amethyst.

“Amethyst, please, don’t do this,” Greg said.

“No, Greg, you wanna talk about how we really feel so bad? How about this?” Amethyst let out an angry chuckle. “Let me ask you something I’ve been wondering for a while ... what-- what _exactly_ was the conversation like when you and Rose just decided all this would be an okay thing to do? Huh? How about that?”

“Stop it,” Greg said, dead serious.

“I think that’s a fair question!” Amethyst said, her voice cracking. “Come on, don’t be shy! I’m really curious! Did you both just-- just not _realize_ it wouldn’t be hard for us?”

“It wasn’t--”

“Was it _easy_ for you to just go along with it?”

Greg felt his blood boil from anger.

“No,” he said. “ _It wasn’t_.”

“Oh well, that makes it all okay then, I guess!” Amethyst said sarcastically.

“Please just change back,” Greg whispered.

“ _Is that all you’re thinking about_?!” Amethyst screamed. Greg didn’t look back, but he could picture the bitter smile on her face. “Okay, I got it. You don’t wanna say how it went, fine. You liked my last impression so much, here’s one of how it must have gone ...”

“ _Don’t_.”

Amethyst suddenly sounded chipper. It didn’t sound like Rose, but the tone was so close it made Greg want to clutch his ears to block it out.

“‘Hey Greg,’” Amethyst said, irritatingly cheerful. “‘I love you _so_ much, let’s have a baby.’”

“ _Stop it_ ,” Greg said.

“‘He’ll be so wonderful. I bet he’ll look just like me. It’ll be _great_. All you have to do is help me _kill myself_.’”

“ _Stop_.”

“‘That won’t be so hard, right?!’” Amethyst said, her voice straining as she got louder. “‘Come on, you love me, don’t you? It’s not like what our friends think ever mattered! Don’t worry about everyone we’ll be making sad.’”

“I’m serious, Amethyst, _stop it_.”

“‘Don’t worry about how I’d still be alive if you’d just _never come here_.’”

Greg clutched his face with one hand.

“I’m warning you--” he said.

But Amethyst still shouted.

“‘Don’t even worry about how our baby will never even know the amazing Gem HE _MURDERED_!’”

That did it. Greg twisted around. He felt his face turn red. He glared at Amethyst.

“ _Get. Out._ ” he said.

Amethyst’s expression softened. To Greg’s horror, for just a moment, Amethyst looked like Rose did when she was upset. By the way her lip quivered, Greg almost thought she was going to apologize.

But instead, Amethyst narrowed her eyes and walked away. Greg watched her leave the storage unit.

Because Amethyst never changed back. Greg had to watch Rose walk away from him, saying nothing.

Once Amethyst left, Greg couldn’t help but think of what she said.

_Rose would still be alive if you’d just never come here._

_She’s right_ , Greg thought. _She’s right_.

For the second time that night, Greg sat down and cried.

* * *

Amethyst didn’t return home. Instead, she wandered back, almost dazed, to the mirror she had stashed away on the beach.

She looked at her reflection, still changed into Rose. Seeing Rose didn’t comfort Amethyst like before. She felt everything _except_ comfort. She felt anger, disgust, sadness, so many horrible feelings she didn’t know what to do with all of them.

Her own words echoed in the back of her mind. Thinking about what she said to Greg made her feel sick. She hated herself for saying such things; she hated herself even more that some part of her _meant_ it.

Amethyst stared at the mirror. Amethyst’s eyes burned as Rose’s eyes started to well with tears.

“Why’d you do it?” Amethyst asked. “I just want to know why. I mean ...” Amethyst brushed her curly hair away. “I mean, I know I can be a huge pain ... and Pearl can be kind of uptight ... and Garnet can be hard to talk to ... but I didn’t think we were _that_ hard to be around. Is that the reason? Were you just tired of having to deal with us?”

Amethyst inched closer to the mirror.

“I mean, I’m not saying I wasn’t listening to you before,” Amethyst went on. “I heard everything you said about wanting a baby, wanting to make something that’d be better than yourself. I heard all that. I know that’s what you said the reason was.”

Amethyst sniffed as she rubbed tears from her eyes.

“And I _want_ to believe that, I _really_ do!” she said. “You have no idea how much I want to believe that we didn’t do anything wrong!” Amethyst started breaking. “But I can’t help but feel like you were just ... _done_ with us, like you abandoned us! I can’t help it! It’s like-- what else am I supposed to think? What am I supposed to do now?! What? Come on, tell me!”

Without even realizing she was going to do it, she started shouting.

“ _You said you were always going to be there for me_!” Amethyst screamed. “When you first found me, you said that and I still remember it ...” Amethyst clenched her fists. “ _Did you already know back then you were lying_?! Come on, please! Just ... say something! Tell me that’s not true! _TELL ME I’M WRONG ABOUT YOU_!”

Amethyst stared at the mirror, at the image of Rose. It was silent.

Amethyst clawed at her face, wet with tears.

“But you can’t say anything, can you?” Amethyst said. “Because you’re just a stupid reflection.”

She glared her imperfect version of Rose.

“Because you’re _dead_.”

She clutched one hand on her Gem as it glowed. She could feel her whip materialize as she pulled it free.

“And you’re never! Coming! BACK!”

Amethyst closed her eyes and swung the whip forward. She heard the mirror shatter. When she opened the eyes, there was nothing there but jagged pieces of glass. She choked back a sob and fell to her knees.

Then, she heard a voice.

“Amethyst.”

Amethyst twisted around. Standing just a few feet away from her was Garnet. Her visor was down, but it was clear she staring at Amethyst.

Amethyst froze, still morphed as Rose. After a moment of hesitation, she shifted back to her normal self.

Amethyst laughed without humor.

“Oh, oh GREAT!” Amethyst said. She sniffed back tears. “That’s just _perfect_! NOW you show up! _NOW_! Guess you saw all that, didn’t you?!”

Garnet didn’t say anything.

“ _AWESOME_!” Amethyst said. “Well, guess what?! You were right! You were both right all along! I hurt Greg!” She forced a grin as her eyes welled up. “I’m just a horrible Gem that hurts everyone around her! _Go ahead and rub it in_!”

Garnet said nothing.

Amethyst got to her feet, gripping her whip.

“No, wait, I’ve got a better idea,” said Amethyst, getting choked up. “Why don’t you just stick me in a bubble like you _idiots_ should have done when you first found me?! _Put me with all the other monsters where I belong_! Come on, do it! You know I deserve it! You know what I did! You know there’s nothing _good_ about me!”

Garnet was silent.

“WHY ARE YOU JUST STANDING THERE?!” Amethyst shouted. “Just beat me up or yell at me or ... _JUST DO SOMETHING_!”

Garnet walked forward in response. Amethyst flinched. Garnet stood in front of Amethyst, her head tilted down. Amethyst started to shake.

And then, Garnet crouched down on one knee and wrapped her arms around Amethyst.

Amethyst clenched her teeth as Garnet brought Amethyst’s head into her chest.

“ _Is this a joke_?!” Amethyst said bitterly. She clutched her whip. “You think this solves anything?! You think you can just hug me and that--” Her breathing got choppier as she started to tremble. “You think that--”

Unable to hold it in for any longer, Amethyst dropped her whip and buried her face against Garnet. She felt Garnet hug her tighter.

“I’m sorry,” Amethyst squeaked out. A sob escaped her throat. “ _I’m sorry for everything_.”

“I know,” Garnet said. “We’re sorry too.”

Amethyst couldn’t get any other words out. She just sat there, crying over all the things she’d done as Garnet held her.

* * *

Greg took a moment to catch his breath before he slid the quarter into the payphone. His eyes were red.

He dialed Vidalia’s number. After a couple rings, she picked up.

“Hello?” Vidalia said.

“Hey, it’s me,” Greg said, leaning against the phone box.

“Hey Greg,” Vidalia said cheerfully. “You’re calling a little early.”

“Yeah ... yeah,” Greg said. He cleared his throat. “Would you ... would you be okay maybe watching Steven for the night one more time?”

“Sure! Why? You and Amethyst planning another all-nighter?”

Greg winced at the mention of Amethyst.

“No ...” he said quietly.

Vidalia’s tone immediately changed.

“Why? What’s wrong?” she said. “Did something happen?”

Greg couldn’t bear to go into it. He sighed.

“It’s-- I just need some time to think, I guess,” Greg said. “I-- Look, I really want to thank you for all you’ve done, Vidalia. You’ve been a good friend. I want you to know that.”

“Greg ... you’re scaring me,” Vidalia said. “What’s going on?”

“It’s nothing,” Greg lied. He didn’t sound convincing. “I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”

Vidalia paused.

“Promise,” she said.

“What?”

“Promise me I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Vidalia, I’m fine, I’m not going to--”

“ _Promise_!”

“Okay, okay! I promise!” Greg said. “I’ll be okay, really.”

“Okay ...” Vidalia whispered.

“I’ll, uh ... I’ll see you in the morning.”

He went to hang up the phone, when he heard Vidalia shout “Greg!”

“Yes?” Greg pulled the phone back to his ear.

“Y-you’re a good friend too,” Vidalia whispered. “Don’t, you know ... forget that.”

“I-- I won’t,” Greg said. “Good night.”

There was an uncomfortable silence.

“Yeah ... g’night,” Vidalia said.

When Greg hung up the phone, he thought he heard a sniffle on the other end. He told himself he was hearing things.

Greg walked away from the storage units. He tried his best not to think about the argument with Amethyst. Instead, he thought of Rose. How much he wished he could talk to her about this, how she would have somehow made him feel better like always ...

Thinking of that almost made him feel worse.

Without meaning to, he ended up walking back to his van parked on the beach. The place where they’d always spent the most time together alone ...

Greg opened the driver’s side door of the van. He’d left it unlocked. He reached in his pocket and pulled out the keys.

He didn’t know where he wanted to drive. He just hoped it might clear his head. He could go around the city, up the beach ...

Off a cliff, maybe.

He shook his head.

_Don’t even think like that_ , Greg thought. _Don’t even joke about it. It’s not funny._

But he wasn’t sure he was joking.

Greg was about to turn the key in the ignition when someone called out behind him.

“Greg?”

Greg turned around and Pearl was there. She was sitting on Greg’s comforter in the back of the van. She stared at him with wide eyes, startled.

“ _PEARL_?!” shouted Greg. “What are you--” He paused, then added, “ _Have you been here this whole time_?!”

Pearl shook her head.

“No,” she whispered. “No, I’ve only been here for little while ...” Her eyes drifted away from Greg. “What day is it?”

“Uh ... Tuesday.”

Pearl nodded slowly.

“Right. So that means ...” Her eyes darted back to Greg. “Has it really only been ten days?”

Greg frowned and nodded.

“Right,” she said, nodding back. She seemed dazed, drained of all feeling. Seeing the normally emotional Pearl this way was unsettling to say the least. “Feels longer ... doesn’t it?”

It took everything Greg had not to burst into tears again. Fearing they would, he turned back towards the windshield.

It was funny. This entire time Greg wanted to talk to Pearl because he felt she would be the one other person who could understand how he felt. Now that Pearl was here, he found it hard to get any words out.

He could feel Pearl’s eyes boring into the back of his head. The back of the van open with a loud creak. Sand crunched outside as Pearl walked around to the passenger’s door. She opened the door and sat down, glancing over at Greg.

“Why did you come here?” asked Greg.

After a moment’s silence, Pearl took a breath and started to speak.

“You know ...” she said. “When you first came here and Rose fell for you ... I mean, _really_ fell for you ... I would always see her sneak out at night. And she’d always come back late, with that big goofy smile on her face. And when I’d confront her about it, she’d always get embarrassed and make up some excuse about what she was doing and--” She let out a humorless chuckle. “I’m not _naive_. I knew she was coming here. To see you.”

Greg didn’t say anything.

Pearl tilted her head up.

“And, of course, you know me,” Pearl said. “I was jealous. _Insanely_ jealous. And spiteful and angry. For a long time. I never got used to it, not even a little.” She sighed. “And I was so jealous that I ignored the most obvious thing about those nights.”

“What was that?”

Pearl’s eyes were glued to the ceiling. She gave a sad smile.

“Those were the nights she was the most happy ...” Pearl said.

Greg stared at her.

“Are you ... okay, Pearl?” Greg asked.

Pearl turned to him, the sad smile still on her face. He looked in her eyes and saw how deeply sad she was.

“Right ...” Greg said. “Sorry. Dumb question.”

“It’s alright,” Pearl whispered.

There was an awkward silence between them. Greg felt like they both had a lot to say but neither knew where to start.

“So ... where _have_ you been?” Greg asked.

Pearl glanced down at the floorboards between meeting Greg’s gaze.

“I’ll show you,” she said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time ... Chapter Three: Pearl


	3. Pearl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Suicidal thoughts

_Pearl stood in a vast land of pink clouds with her arms crossed. She stared at Rose, sitting a short distance away on the human hospital bed the room materialized._

_Greg sat next to Rose, holding her hand. Rose smiled at him._

_Greg gave an obviously forced smile back._

_“You know, it uh ... it kind of defeats the purpose of having a hospital bed here if you don’t actually lie down in it,” Greg said._

_“Thanks, but that’s not necessary,” Rose said. “I told you, I feel fine.”_

_“Are you sure--” Greg said. His smile faltered. “I-- I mean I’ve always heard contractions can get pretty bad, so--”_

_“You worry too much, Greg,” Rose said. “I’m alright. Trust me.”_

_She didn’t stop smiling._

_That was the most heartbreaking thing to Pearl. Did she have to look so_ happy _? Like she didn’t know what was going to happen._

_Amethyst and Garnet were far away from Pearl, speaking amongst themselves. She wasn’t close enough to overhear them, but Pearl could tell from Amethyst’s face she was distressed._

_It wasn’t difficult to figure out why._

_Pearl thought of going over to them, but she couldn’t bear to tear herself from Rose’s side, even if she was too distraught to say anything. She was too afraid that if she looked away for just a moment that ..._

_That when she looked back it might be too late._

_Greg glanced over to Pearl, frowning. Their eyes met. No words were exchanged; there didn’t need to be._

_They both knew what was coming._

_Pearl dug her fingernails into the sides of her arms. There was nothing she could do, nothing she could say, that would stop this. She had known that since the night Rose had told her. The night she nearly attacked Greg and they managed to talk civilly for the first time. She had told herself that preparing for this day, knowing it was coming, would make it easier._

_It hadn’t._

_Rose’s hand drifted to her stomach, to the pink Gem exposed on her white dress. She let her hand linger there._

_Garnet and Amethyst approached Rose and Greg. Amethyst smiled, but she was so obviously concerned it hardly looked like a true smile._

_“Hey um ...” Amethyst said. She was searching for something to say, so unlike her normally outgoing demeanor. “Is there ... anything we can get you or--?”_

_Rose chuckled._

_“Well, I’ve already eaten, for his sake.” Rose ran a hand over her belly as if in explanation. “And we are in a room that can make anything else we need, so--”_

_“Oh. Oh yeah.” Amethyst scratched her elbow. “Right.”_

_Rose reached out and touched Amethyst’s shoulder._

_“Just being here is enough, Amethyst,” Rose said._

_Amethyst’s smile turned genuine, but only for a moment. She glanced at Garnet, whose expression was as difficult to read as always. Pearl could only guess how she could be feeling right now._

_Garnet stared at Rose for a moment, before she finally spoke._

_“Everything will go fine,” Garnet said._

_Rose’s smile faded. Greg and Pearl both met each other's gaze again. Amethyst only stared ahead, unable or unwilling to look anyone in the eye._

_“I--” Garnet paused. Pearl was stunned. Garnet’s voice never faltered like that._ Ever _. “I saw it would. I wanted to tell you. In case you were still concerned.”_

_Rose said nothing. She considered Garnet’s words, then nodded._

_“I see,” Rose said quietly. The corner of her mouth curved upward. “Thank you, Garnet.”_

_Garnet said nothing. Pearl couldn’t see her eyes behind those visor, but somehow she could feel the sadness in them._

_Pearl wasn’t sure how much more of this she could take. Just standing there, pretending nothing was wrong when_ everything _was wrong. The idea of Rose just ... not being there anymore tore at her insides. She’d known Rose for millennia; she_ literally _couldn’t imagine life without her. And Rose was acting like everything was fine. Didn’t it bother her that she wouldn’t be with them anymore?_

_That she wouldn’t be with_ Pearl _anymore?_

_Pearl’s eyes drifted up and she realized Rose was staring at her. She tensed up and looked away. Had her sadness shown on her face? Pearl didn’t know, but she supposed it didn’t matter. Somehow, Rose always knew when Pearl was upset no matter how she acted._

_Rose cleared her throat and turned her eyes to Greg._

_“Greg?” Rose said._

_“Yes, Rose?” Greg said._

_“Do you ... think I could have a moment alone with Pearl?” Rose said._

_“Oh um ...” Greg scratched the back of his head. “Y-yeah, of course, honey.”_

_Pearl’s cheeks flushed. She hadn’t expected this. She wanted to protest but couldn’t find her voice._

_Rose turned to Amethyst and Garnet._

_“Are you alright with that?” Rose asked them._

_Garnet nodded, but Amethyst’s eyes darted to Pearl. To Pearl’s surprised, she looked bitter, almost resentful._

_“... yeah,” was all Amethyst said._

_If Rose noticed Amethyst’s reaction, she didn’t acknowledge it._

_“Thank you,” Rose said. She stretched her hand outward. Without saying a word, pink clouds in the room parted to reveal the temple door._

_Wordlessly, Amethyst and Garnet walked towards it. The door glowed to reveal the cave housing the Warp Pad. Garnet walked out the door without hesitation. Amethyst turned back and looked to Rose as if she was about to speak ... but ultimately turned around and exited silently._

_Greg lingered, still clutching Rose’s hand._

_“Are you um ...” Greg said. “Are you going to be alright while I’m gone?”_

_Rose gave him a tender look that was genuinely hard for Pearl to watch; she couldn’t help but wonder if Rose had ever looked at_ her _quite like that._

_Rose put her hand to Greg’s cheek._

_“I’m not going anywhere without you, Greg,” Rose said._

_Pearl flinched as Rose said that. As if the knife hadn’t been twisted enough already ..._

_Greg nodded. He walked towards the door, but stopped in front of Pearl._

_“Pearl?” he asked in a whisper. “Are you ok--”_

_“Greg,” Pearl said. “Just ... not now. Please.”_

_Greg’s eyes widened in concern, but after a moment he nodded and walked out the temple door. The door disappeared as the clouds moved to conceal it._

_There was no one there now but Rose, Pearl, and the hospital bed she sat on._

_Rose frowned. She wasn’t as carefree as she had appeared only minutes before. It was clear she was taking this seriously._

_“Pearl ...” Rose said as she stood up from the hospital bed._

_Pearl felt herself shake. It took all her willpower not to burst out crying right there ..._

_But Pearl didn’t get the chance to make such an outburst._

_When Rose tried to step off the bed, her face contorted and she clutched her stomach. She nearly fell, only catching herself with one hand on the hospital bed._

_“Rose!” Pearl said. Without another thought to her own feelings, she rushed to her side. She placed her hands on Rose’s strong shoulders, her face only inches from Rose’s. “Are you--”_

_“Yes, yes, it’s alright,” Rose said. She looked up, but she did not shoo Pearl away from her. She kept her hand on her stomach, grimacing._

_“I-- I thought you said weren’t in any pain,” Pearl stammered._

_“I know ...,” Rose said. Her eyes met Pearl’s. There was a vulnerability in them Pearl had only rarely seen in her lifetime of being with Rose ..._

_She almost looked ... ashamed._

_“I was_ lying _,” Rose said._

* * *

“Pearl?” Greg asked.

Pearl, who had been silent in the passenger’s seat, suddenly shook her head and looked to Greg.

“Are you okay?” Greg said, fidgeting with his hands on the steering wheel. “You seemed kind of out of it for a bit?”

Pearl’s eyes were wide. They lingered on Greg for a minute before she just turned away.

“It’s ... it’s nothing,” Pearl said.

Somehow Greg doubted that.

Greg parked the van now that they were close to the temple. He sighed.

“Well ... um ... anyway, we’re here,” he said. “I don’t get why we came here. I thought you wanted to show me where you’ve been this whole--”

“I do,” Pearl said quietly. “But it’ll be much faster via Warp Pad. I simply took the long way when I ...” Pearl closed her eyes. “When I ran away.”

Pearl breathed heavily, anxious even being back at the temple. Seeing Pearl so upset almost made Greg forget about the encounter with Amethyst. He was bottling up a lot of feelings of despair ... but if Pearl was feeling even _worse_ , he didn’t want to think about his own problems.

“Look, Pearl ...” Greg scratched the back of his head. “I-if you don’t want to do this, it’s alright. It’s--”

“No ... no, I want to,” Pearl said. She met his gaze. “Please just ...” She exhaled. “Could you make sure the others aren’t there? I don’t ...”

Her voice lowered to a whisper.

“I don’t think I could face Garnet or Amethyst right now,” she said.

Greg hesitated. He wanted to tell her that it’d be good for Pearl to see the others now ... but he didn’t. He didn’t feel like he had any right to say anything, not when he was hoping Amethyst wasn’t there because _he_ didn’t want to face her either.

Finally, he just nodded.

“Okay,” Greg said. He placed the van in park and opened the driver’s door. Before stepping out, he glanced back. “Wait right here.”

Pearl said nothing, only stared as he stepped onto the sand.

It was only a short walk to the cave in front of the temple. He looked around, but there was nothing there except the Warp Pad and the temple door.

Ruby and Sapphire were nowhere to be seen.

Amethyst wasn’t there either. Despite everything that happened, he was worried where she might be. She certainly wasn’t in the best state when they last saw each other ...

He tensed up when he heard the crunch of sand, but when he whipped around, it was just Pearl approaching the cave. She was glancing over her shoulder, clearly unnerved.

“Is anyone--” Pearl started.

“No,” Greg said, shaking the thoughts of Amethyst out of his head. “No, I think the coast is clear.”

Pearl straightened up with a heavy sigh.

“Alright,” she said, her voice shaky. “Good.”

She stepped onto the Warp Pad and stood in the center of it.

“Step on the Warp Pad and stand next to me.”

Greg complied. He scratched his head.

“So how does this work?” Greg said to Pearl. “Do I have to focus or--”

“Just relax and let your body dissolve into warp space,” Pearl said stoically.

Greg turned pale.

“Wait, _dissolve_? Is that sa--”

The Warp Pad hummed to life and engulfed Greg and Pearl in light. He quickly shut his eyes. He wasn’t sure if he’d actually _see_ his own body dissolve if he kept them open, but he’d rather not find out.

For a second or two, his entire body felt as if it was on pins and needles. His stomach felt queasy, like he just stepped off a roller-coaster. He became conscious of the fact he was not standing on anything, that there was no ground beneath him.

And a moment later, he felt the Warp Pad under his feet and the odd sensation was gone.

He opened his eyes.

“Whoa ...” Greg said when he saw where they were.

They were in a vast field of strawberries, covered in a light fog. That wouldn’t have been especially amazing were it not for the many ancient weapons stabbed into the ground all around them, glistening in the moonlight. In the distance, Greg could make out patches of land suspended in mid-air.

Greg looked up at Pearl, whose expression was the same as before. Though the sight was bizarre to Greg, Pearl seemed unaffected. She stepped off the Warp Pad.

Greg looked around. As he stepped down, his foot bumped against a sword in the grass. The blade was chipped and dull.

It had been used _a lot_ , Greg realized. He felt a chill down his spine.

“Wow, um ...” Greg chuckled nervously. “Seems like, uh, like a lot went down here...”

Pearl glanced back at Greg, then looked forward.

“You have no idea ...” Pearl said with a hint of sadness.

Greg frowned.

“So, this is where you came to?” Greg asked.

“Yes ... well, not _right_ here exactly,” Pearl said. She nodded ahead. “It’s just a short walk from here.”

Pearl started walking, making Greg scramble to catch up. He sped up so he could match her walking pace.

Her mouth was curled into a frown.

Greg was silent. He wanted to ask where Pearl was taking him ... or even why. After all, they had never seen eye-to-eye. Even though they understood each other much better now than before, Greg still found it odd that he, of all people, was the one she had reached out to.

He wanted to ask, but he was certain that she wouldn’t answer until they got to their destination. Still, he felt he had to say _something_ to fill the uncomfortable silence.

“So um ... this place ...” Greg asked, his eyes drawn to a giant axe lying amidst the many weapons they walked past. “This was like a battlefield, right?”

When Pearl spoke, she didn’t look directly at him; she seemed miles away.

“Yes,” she said.

“Um ... did you fight here?”

Greg saw Pearl’s throat bob as she gulped.

“We both did ...” she said quietly. Her eyes finally drew back to Greg. “Did she ever tell you about any of this?”

Greg cringed. He hadn’t expected Pearl to ask that. Thinking about Rose still hurt for Greg ... but he had to answer. Knowing how Pearl felt about Rose, maybe she needed to hear something about her right now ...

“A-a little,” Greg said. He glanced out to the field of strawberries. “I mean, I know she fought her Homeworld because they were going to destroy the Earth. And she fought for a really long time. And that she won, even though she said after everything that happened, it didn’t always _feel_ like she’d won ...”

Pearl said nothing; she just listened.

Greg gave a sad chuckle.

“I don’t think I could ever do what you two did,” Greg said. “Fight in a war for that long ... fight in a war at all, really.” He lowered his voice. “I asked her if it was ever scary to her, you know ...”

Pearl actually stopped walking. Even though she wouldn’t look directly at him, he could see her eyes were wide.

“W-what did she say?” Pearl asked.

Greg gave a sad smile.

“She just gave that smile she always did ... and said she was _terrified_.” He gave a humorless laugh. “It’s ...”

He put his hand to his face. He already felt his eyes start to sting, the image of Rose smiling at him too strong in his mind.

“It’s really hard to imagine her ever afraid of anything, you know?” Greg said, in almost a whisper.

Pearl’s eyes lingered on Greg’s for a second or two before she turned away.

“Yes ...” Pearl said. Her eyes seemed to drift off in the distance as she continued walking. “ _I know_.”

* * *

_Pearl helped Rose up. Rose’s hand still on her stomach, still in pain, but she managed to smile regardless._

_“Thank you,” Rose said._

_Any other time Rose smiled at her, Pearl would have been happy. But she couldn’t appreciate it. Not knowing Rose was in pain. Not knowing she had_ been _in pain for who knew how long ..._

_“Why would you lie about that?” Pearl whispered._

_Rose’s smile faded. She looked down and simply shook her head._

_“You all needed me to seem strong,” said Rose._

_“What are you talking about?” Pearl said. “You_ are _strong.”_

_Rose’s eyes drifted to Pearl’s. Pearl looked deeply into them. Rather than feel thrilled like she normally would, she was only shocked to see that there was a deep sadness in them._

_Pearl couldn’t remember a time when Rose had looked like that, even at her most emotional. It didn’t make sense to Pearl. She would have known if Rose had something inside her to make an expression like that. Pearl would know._

_She knew Rose better than anyone, she told herself._

_She ... she did ..._

_When Pearl couldn’t think of anything to say, Rose finally turned away from Pearl. She placed her hand on the hospital bed, as if to steady herself._

_“But, that’s ... I didn’t want to talk about that,” Rose said dead-serious. “I ...” She sighed. “Pearl ... I have a very ..._ very _selfish thing I want to ask you.”_

_Pearl brought her hand to her mouth._

_“Rose, you’re not ...” Pearl managed a nervous laugh. “You’re a lot of things, but you’ve never been_ selfish _._ I’m _the selfish one. I always have been. But you ... you’re just ...” Pearl gulped. “You’re ... perfect.”_

_Rose gave a single bitter chuckle. She looked at Pearl with a tender look that made Pearl blush._

_“That’s sweet of you to say,” Rose said. “But that’s not true. And you shouldn’t call yourself selfish ...”_

_Pearl knew Rose was just being nice. It was nonsense to Pearl to pretend she wasn’t selfish. After the way she had acted towards Greg, after how much time she'd focused on her own feelings rather than Rose ... Pearl didn’t hold any illusions about herself._

_Pearl shook her head and took a step forward._

_“Rose, whatever it is, I’ll do it,” Pearl said. “You know I’d do anything for you, I--”_

_“Pearl, please ...” Rose put her hand up. “Please don’t say yes until I’ve told you what it is. It’s ... a lot I’m about to ask ...”_

_Pearl didn’t understand. What could Rose possibly ask that could make her act this way, that would make her so hesitant? They’d fought a war together. Everything Pearl had ever done, she had done for her. Rose knew that. She had to. So ... what could make Rose act like this now?_

_Rose took a breath._

_“Pearl I’m ...” Rose swallowed. “I’m not going to be around for much longer.”_

_Pearl went pale._

_“Rose, don’t talk about that, I don’t want to--”_

_“I know you don’t want to hear it,” Rose said. She was firm, but she never raised her voice. “I know. But it’s true.” Rose rubbed her temple, trying to compose herself._

_Pearl looked at Rose, the one Gem she admired and loved more than anyone else ... and a frightening thought occurred to her._

_“Are you_ afraid _?” Pearl said, her voice cracking._

_Rose looked Pearl straight in the eye._

_“Yes,” Rose said. “But probably not about what you think ...”_

_Rose walked a few steps away from the hospital bed, pink clouds all around her._

_“I’m not afraid of giving up my physical form,” Rose said. “I haven’t been this whole time. Making something greater than myself ... making Steven ...” Rose’s fingers brushed against the Gem on her navel. “That was what I wanted ...”_

_Despite herself, Pearl felt anger rise inside her. She clenched her fists. She couldn’t imagine anything greater than Rose. The fact that Rose wanted this still filled Pearl with a fury and sadness she couldn’t articulate._

_She wanted to scream at Rose._ Why would you want this? _she thought._ Why do you think you need to do this to yourself? You’re perfect. You always seem so complete and so happy already, why couldn’t that be enough?

Why couldn’t _I_ be enough?

_But Pearl didn’t. She had said all those things before, when she first found out Rose was pregnant ... and Rose just sat there and took it. Saying it all again would have accomplished nothing aside from making them both feel like garbage. And as selfish as Pearl was ... she couldn’t do that to Rose._

_But it didn’t matter that Pearl didn’t say those things aloud. Rose looked at Pearl and it seemed as if she knew exactly what Pearl was thinking. She gave Pearl a tender look._

_“Pearl ... it’s okay,” Rose said. “I know it’s difficult to understand why I wanted to have Steven ... but I think one day you will.”_

_Pearl didn’t say it, but she couldn’t see herself ever understanding that decision._

_Pearl took a breath and unclenched her fists._

_“What are you afraid of, if not that?” Pearl asked, hoping the bitterness didn’t show in her voice._

_Rose glanced down at her stomach, where her hand still rested._

_“I’m afraid of after that,” Rose said. “I’m afraid that ... even though I wanted to do this, I’ve made it so Steven will never know his mother. That by doing that, I’ve hurt him deeply before he was even born. That ...”_

_Rose let her hand drop. She frowned._

_“I’ll never even get to hold him ...” Rose whispered. “Not even once.”_

_As soon as she said that, the clouds in Rose’s room started to shift in Rose’s direction. Rose’s expression became horrified as she put her hands up._

_“No, Room, please,” Rose said. “I don’t want that. I--”_

_Her voice cracked for just an instant, before she closed her eyes. When she spoke again, she sounded fully composed._

_“Please ... it wouldn’t be the same.”_

_The clouds remained still for a moment, then retracted back into the landscape of the room._

_Rose frowned, her eyes drifting down to her Gem._

_“I just hope when he comes, he doesn’t feel lonely ... not having a mother there for him,” Rose said._

_Pearl felt horribly guilty. She could see by the look on Rose’s face she was being genuine, that Rose felt terrible. Pearl couldn’t even remember a time when she had seen Rose look that way. And Pearl wanted to be supportive of her love ..._

_But the first thing she thought when Rose said that was ‘_ Why is this child more important to you than I am?’

_She tried to shake off those thoughts. The fact she would think something so selfish made her disgusted with herself. Rose was so close to the end and THAT was what Pearl thought about? What kind of Gem does_ that _?_

_“Pearl,” Rose said._

_Pearl’s head snapped up._

_“Yes, Rose?” Pearl said._

_“I ...” Rose said. She took a breath. “I’ll never be able to truly be a mother for Steven, to hold him, to help him understand what he truly is ... I can’t be there for him.”_

_She looked Pearl in the eye._

_“Will_ you _be there for him?”_

_Pearl stared at Rose in silence._

_“What?” Pearl said finally._

_“I know it’s a lot to ask, Pearl,” Rose said. “But I want you to be there for Steven. I want you_ all _to be there for him ...”_

_Pearl’s mouth felt dry. She didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t expected this._

_“What do you ... what do you need me for?” Pearl said, panic clear in her voice. “What about Greg? Don’t you think_ he’ll _be there for Steven?”_

_Rose gave a small smile. Her eyes brightened up._

Did she ever look that way thinking about _me_? _Pearl couldn’t help but think, her chest sinking._

_“I know Greg will be there for him,” Rose said tenderly. “I know he’ll be the best father Steven could ever ask for, but he can’t do everything himself. There are things about Gems Greg doesn’t understand, things Steven will_ need _to understand someday ...”_

_Rose stepped forward and took Pearl’s hand, but Pearl was so disoriented from Rose’s proposition she couldn’t enjoy it._

_“Pearl, if you say you can’t do it, I won’t hold it against you,” Rose said. Her face was close to Pearl, her eyes gazing deeply into Pearl’s. “I don’t want to burden you--”_

_“You’re not a burden to me!” Pearl said, her voice cracking. “I just ... I don’t know how to ...”_

_Pearl frowned and felt the bitterness inside her well up._

_“How can you ask me something like this?!” Pearl shouted in Rose’s face. “How can I promise something like that? I don’t know how to raise a child, how can I_ possibly _know what to do with you gone?! Why ask me this?!_ Why me _?!”_

_Rose put her hand to Pearl’s cheek._

_“Because, Pearl,” Rose said. “You were always there for_ me _. You’re the only one I_ could _ask. There’s no one else I know who has your strength. There’s no other friend I trust more.”_

_Pearl’s eyes drifted to the ground, to the pink clouds underneath them._

_“... is that all I ever was to you?” Pearl whispered, her voice hoarse. “A ‘friend’?”_

_Rose’s hand slid from Pearl’s cheek. Her eyes went wide. For the first time in perhaps ever, Rose seemed speechless._

_“What?” Rose said. “No, Pearl, I--”_

_Whatever Rose was about to say, she never got to finish. She suddenly winced and backed away from Pearl, her hand at her stomach. She clutched herself and fell to her knees._

_“Rose!” Pearl said, crouching next to her. “Rose, what’s wrong?!”_

_Rose looked up at Pearl, but didn’t to say anything. As she clutched herself, the pink Gem on her navel started to glow._

_“I’m sorry,” Rose said. She was clearly in pain. She clenched her fist. The light on her Gem brightened and, for a split second, her physical form went white before she reverted back to her normal self. “I ... I think it’s time ...”_

_Pearl stared in horror._

No ... no _, Pearl thought as she felt her entire body shake._ I’m not ready for this. Not now. Please, stop! Please ...

**I am not ready for this!**

_Nearby, the clouds parted and the temple door revealed itself. The door filled with light for a moment before Garnet entered._

_“Rose!” she yelled. It was obvious by her tone she knew what was happening; she must have seen it. Pearl trembled. This really must be it._

_Garnet rushed to her side with Greg following after her. His face was pale._

_“Rose! Are you okay?!” he shouted as crouched next to her._

_Rose smiled. Her Gem was still glowing._

_“Of ... of course I’m okay,” she said. Her tone was so cheerful. Considering what was happening, it made Pearl feel ill. “I think Steven’s anxious to get here ...”_

_Greg’s mouth was open, but he said nothing._

_Amethyst entered a moment later. She stared at Rose crouched on the floor. She looked mortified._

_“W-what’s happening?” Amethyst whispered._

_Amethyst looked at Pearl, who found herself unable to move. Pearl didn’t say anything._

_Amethyst’s eyes welled up._

_“_ What’s happening _?!” Amethyst repeated. It was clear she knew what was happening, but didn’t want to believe it, just like Pearl. She desperately wanted someone to tell her it wasn’t true._

_But Pearl remained silent, because she couldn’t tell her that._

_Amethyst looked down, then slowly walked towards Rose. She seemed unable to look directly at Rose. Frankly, Pearl couldn’t blame her._

_Rose grunted. Once again, her entire form was momentarily engulfed in light._

_“ROSE!” Greg said. He gripped her hand and, a second later, she reappeared._

_Rose smiled at him._

_She just_ kept smiling _._

_Pearl felt her eyes sting and tears trickle down her cheeks._

_Pearl didn’t know what to do. She felt as if her entire world was crumbling underneath her feet. She was watching the only Gem she had ever loved_ die _right in front of her. And even after dedicating her life to protecting her, Pearl could do nothing._

_And Rose was smiling all though it. Pearl just--_

_Pearl realized she was backing away from Rose, towards the door._

_Rose noticed. Her eyes were on Pearl. For the first time since everyone else ran in, her smile dropped._

_“Pearl?” Rose said, confused._

_“I... I can’t--” Pearl said. “I ...”_

_“Pearl, please, don’t--”_

_Pearl’s eyes were gushing._

_“I’m sorry!_ I’m so sorry! _” she shouted._

_Pearl turned and ran through the door._

_“Pearl, wait!” Greg said after her._

_Pearl didn’t stop. She ran through the door. She made the mistake of glancing back._

_Rose was still sitting on the floor amidst pink clouds. One hand was on her stomach and the other was reaching out towards Pearl. She appeared stunned, as if she hadn’t come to grips with Pearl’s actions._

_Pearl turned away and kept running. As she fled, a single, horrible thought entered her head over and over again._

That was the last time I’ll ever see her.

* * *

Pearl had been silent during the rest of their walk. Even though she didn’t speak, Greg saw a tear drip down her cheek. He pretended not to notice.

Before Greg break the silence, Pearl suddenly stopped walking and reached her hand out, blocking Greg from moving forward.

“Careful,” Pearl said. She nodded ahead, not even looking at him.

Greg looked ahead and was thankful Pearl had stopped him. He had been so wrapped in worrying about her he hadn’t noticed they’d approached the top of a cliff. Another few steps and they would have been over the edge. Ahead of them were dozens of grassy platforms suspended in mid-air by some unseen force, separated by uncomfortably long gaps.

“Phew ...” Greg said. He made the mistake of looking over the edge. The drop looked so far it made Greg’s stomach uneasy. The ground below was covered in strawberry bushes.

“Jeez,” Greg said. “It’s uh ... it’s a long way down ...”

Pearl turned back to Greg. She frowned.

“Yes ... it is,” Pearl said.

She sighed and sat on the grass along the ledge, seemingly unphased by the drop in front of her.

She wiped the tear from her cheek. Greg wasn’t quite sure why, but she looked ashamed.

“Please ... sit down,” Pearl said.

Greg raised an eyebrow, but did as she asked, settling with his legs crossed next to her.

Pearl tilted her head up and pointed towards the floating platforms.

“See the highest one up there?” Pearl said.

“Yeah?” Greg said as his eyes drew up to it. It was so high up it almost looked as if it was touching the moon above.

“That’s where I was,” Pearl said. She put her hands together, interlacing her fingers.

Greg grimaced.

“Yikes,” Greg said. “Can’t imagine how bad the drop must look from there ...”

Pearl didn’t respond. She wouldn’t even look at him.

And when Greg imagined _why_ that might be, his stomach soured even more.

“Pearl?” Greg asked shakily.

“Yes?” Her voice was almost emotionless.

“What were you doing up there?”

Pearl’s eyes drew down to the ground.

“It’s ... that place was where Rose first asked me to stay here, thousands of years ago. It means a lot to me. The ... the view is quite beautiful ...”

Pearl’s chest moved up and down, her breathing getting quicker, more uneasy.

“I had ...” Pearl put her hand to the side of her face, as if shielding herself from Greg’s stare. “I had always thought if something ever happened to Rose that I would ... I mean, I thought it would be a nice place to ...”

“Pearl?” Greg said. He stared at her, searching for any sign that this wasn’t what it sounded like. He didn’t want to believe it. He ...

He didn’t want to believe anyone beside him had such thoughts since Rose’s death.

Pearl dropped her hand. Her eyes were welled with tears. She finally turned to look at Greg.

“I was going to jump,” Pearl said.

“Pearl, no,” Greg said. “Don’t say that--” He reached out to touch her, but she shirked away from him.

“No! Please just ... listen,” Pearl said. Her eyes started to gush. Her words came out strangled as she choked back sobs. It seemed as if all the emotion she had been holding in came flooding out at once, like water through a burst dam.

Greg drew his hand back. There was so much he wanted to say. He wanted to tell her there was always another way, that he could understand how she felt ...

But what she needed now was for him to listen. So for the moment, he remained silent.

Pearl wiped her eyes with her arm.

“Pearls are fragile so I didn’t think it would take much force to ... shatter,” Pearl said. She was no longer looking at Greg. Her eyes locked onto the platform above, as if she still see herself herself standing on it. “I couldn’t ... I couldn’t imagine going on without her. Everything I’ve ever done was for her ...”

She closed her eyes and clutched at her face.

“But when she needed me the most, _all I could do was run_!” Pearl shouted. “And when I finally stopped running, when I knew she was already dead ... I just couldn’t live with myself knowing what I had done! That I couldn’t do what she asked, that I couldn’t even be there for her! And I just ... I ended up here and I--I thought I was ready but ...”

A sob escaped Pearl’s throat as she wiped more tears from her eyes.

“But when I got up there, I couldn’t even do _that_! Because it was as if I could hear her speaking right to me! I could imagine exactly what she’d say! ‘Pearl, what are you doing?’ ‘Pearl, don’t do this.’ ‘Pearl, you’re stronger than this. You’re stronger than _me_!’ And I just couldn’t ... I just ...”

Pearl closed her hands over her face and cried. Wordlessly, Greg reached over and placed his hand on Pearl’s shoulder. She didn’t protest this time, didn’t even acknowledge the touch.

“Pearl ...” Greg said. “I-- I really don’t know what to say to help, but ...” He sighed. “I-- I do know how you feel.”

Pearl paused for a moment, suddenly angry.

“Don’t say that,” Pearl said, her voice strained. “You don’t--”

“No Pearl,” Greg said. He quivered. “This time I really, _really_ do--”

“Greg, this isn’t something you can just _say_ you know how I feel because you--”

Greg clenched his fist and shouted.

“ _You’re not the only one who doesn’t know what to do now that she’s gone!”_

Pearl’s eyes were wide. Her hands drifted to her mouth.

“Greg ... you-- you can’t possibly mean--”

Greg frowned. His stomach felt knotted up. He hadn’t meant to shout at all, let alone shout _that_. He pulled his hand from her shoulder and turned away from her.

“I ... just forget I said anything. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made this about me ...” Greg said.  
  
He glanced back. Pearl’s eyes were still fixed on him.

After an uncomfortable silence, she asked.

“You wouldn’t ever do anything like ...” Pearl paused. “Like what I intended to do, would you?”

“Pearl, please, I feel bad enough for bringing it up. That’s not important, I care more about--”

Pearl raised her voice.

“ _Of course it’s important_!” Pearl said, her eyes fiery. “Just ...” She lowered her voice. “Please, just answer me ...”

Greg frowned. He wasn’t able to look Pearl in the eye.

“I-- I don’t _think_ I would,” Greg said.

Despite relieving Pearl like Greg hoped, she seemed horrified.

“You _‘think’_?” Pearl whispered. “You mean you’re not _sure_?”

“No,” Greg stammered. “I mean yes, just-- _I dunno, okay_?!” Greg found himself rising to his feet as he spoke. “I don’t _want_ to, I know I have to be there for Steven, I know it’s what Rose would have wanted. It’s what I want too!”

Greg felt disgusted with himself when he noticed his eyes welling with tears.

“But it’s hard ...” Greg said. “Everyday without her doesn’t even seem real. Like I keep expecting to just turn around and--”

Pearl straightened up, her voice hardly a whisper.

“ _And just see her standing there with you_...” Pearl said.

Greg stared at Pearl as she wiped the tears from her face.

Greg glanced down at his feet.

“I’m sorry ...” Greg said.

“For what?” Pearl asked.

“For taking her away from all of you,” Greg said, barely holding it together as he spoke. “For putting all of you through this. For ...”

Amethyst’s words from earlier that night echoed in his head.

“For even coming here in the first place,” Greg whispered.

Pearl locked eyes with Greg. There was no malice in her expression.

“Greg, it ...” Pearl put her hand to her chest and took a deep breath. It was clear what she was about to say was hard.

“It ... it isn’t your fault.”

Pearl looked out over the cliff.

“Rose wanted this. She ...” Pearl sighed. “She loved you. She wouldn’t want you to feel sad. She wouldn’t want you to ... to hurt yourself.”

Pearl paused and turned back to Greg.

“ _I_ don’t want you to,” Pearl said.

Greg managed a smile despite feeling like he wanted to break down crying.

“I don’t want you to hurt yourself either, Pearl,” Greg said. “I know Rose wouldn’t either. She loved you too, you know ...”

Pearl glanced down at the ground, a deep sadness in her eyes.

“Not the way she loved you,” Pearl whispered.

Greg was silent. Pearl was right, but now wasn’t the time to say that.

“She was going to name our kid after you,” Greg said.

Pearl’s head snapped up.

“What?” Pearl said.

“If it was a girl, Rose wanted to name her Pearl,” Greg said. Greg chuckled without much humor. “Kinda awkward I know, but it’s true ...”

Pearl blinked away tears. She gave a sad smile.

“She ... she never told me that ...” Pearl said. Pearl shook her head. “And I repay her by running when she’s _dying_.” Pearl put her hand to her face. “I hope she knew I was sorry. I hope she didn’t die _hating_ me.”

“ _Rose_?” Greg said. “No.” Despite himself, he smiled. “Can you _really_ see Rose hating anyone?”

Pearl said nothing.

Greg was still for a moment before he reached out and touched Pearl’s shoulder.

“She’d never hate you,” Greg said softly.

Pearl lowered her head. Her voice was hoarse.

“I hope you’re right ...” Pearl said.

Greg frowned.

“Is there anything I can do for you, Pearl?” Greg said.

Pearl lifted her head up, a sad smile still on her face.

“You’ve done enough already, Greg,” Pearl said. “It-- it felt good to talk about this with someone. I think that’s what I wanted all along. That’s probably the real reason why I wandered back to your van instead of ...”

Pearl’s eyes lingered on the highest platform before she looked away.

“Deep down I knew you’d understand,” Pearl said. “We’re a lot alike.”

“Yeah ... I know,” Greg said.

Pearl paused, then spoke again.

“Please don’t do anything to hurt yourself, Greg,” Pearl said.

“I--I won’t,” Greg said. Despite still feeling sad, he surprised himself by realizing he actually meant it.

“You’re not going to try anything like that again either, right?” Greg asked in return.

“No,” she said.

Greg nodded.

“I mean, if you ever need to talk or anything, I--”

“I know,” Pearl said. “I know.”

Pearl drew her knees to her chest. She was quiet for a moment or two, furrowing her brow as if deep in thought.

“I want to see him,” Pearl said finally.

“What?” Greg said.

“Rose’s child. I want to see him.”

Greg froze.

“I ...” Greg scratched the back of his neck. “I mean, I’m fine with that, but are you sure you’ll be alright? You don’t have to--”

“No. I want to. I ...” Pearl rose to her feet. “I know what Rose wanted. I want to at least _try_.”

Greg stared at Pearl, the skin around her eyes red from crying. He was worried about her, but he could see her certainty beneath the grief **.**

After a long moment, Greg nodded.

“Alright,” he said.

* * *

It wasn’t long afterwards that Pearl was standing next to Greg in front of Vidalia’s trailer. The lights were all out. The brightness of the moon was just strong enough that she could clearly see the front door.

Pearl’s hands fidgeted nervously. It was odd ... Pearl had been in a millenia long war, had killed and seen her friends killed, had nearly been shattered countless times ... but for some reason, all of that seemed far, _far_ less scary than what she was about to do.

She glanced at Greg, who looked back at her.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Pearl?” Greg said. “I mean if you changed your mind--”

“I’m fine,” Pearl lied.

Greg took a breath, then nodded.

“Okay,” he said.

Greg hesitantly knocked on the door.

“I feel bad waking Vidalia up,” Greg said. “Hopefully she won’t be startled or--”

There was a click as the door unlocked and swung open. Vidalia stood the doorway in a green shirt and sweat pants. She looked startled. But what struck Pearl as odd was that her eyes were puffy, as if she had been crying recently.

“Greg ...” Vidalia whispered. Her eyes were only on Greg. Pearl wasn’t sure if Vidalia even noticed Pearl was standing there. “You’re alright--”

“H-hey,” Greg said awkwardly, obviously noticing the look on her face. “Sorry about that call earlier, I was a little--”

Vidalia glared and, without warning, clenched her fist and struck Greg in the shoulder.

“ _Ow_!” Greg said, staggering back.

“Greg!” Pearl said. She moved to check on him, but was interrupted by Vidalia.

“ _You son of a bitch!_ ” Vidalia shouted. “Do you have any idea how worried sick I was after you called?! _You sounded like you were gonna kill yourself!_ ”

Pearl’s eyes went to Greg. Greg said nothing in his defense, only touching his shoulder.

Vidalia went on, her voice raspy.

“I couldn’t even sleep I was so terrified! _What are you even thinking talking like that_?! _What am I supposed to do if you ever did something like that, huh?!_ I--”

Vidalia sniffed and, before Greg had a chance to reply, she wrapped her arms around him. Greg’s eyes widened in shock.

“Stupid asshole ...” Vidalia muttered in Greg’s shoulder.

Greg frowned. Pearl could tell by the look on his face he felt guilty. He awkwardly patted Vidalia’s back.

“I’m sorry,” Greg whispered.

“I’m just glad you’re back ...” she said.

Vidalia sniffled in his shoulder. She stayed there with her arms around Greg. Pearl glanced away, feeling awkward watching them. Greg exchanged a look with Pearl. It was clear he felt uncomfortable as well. He coughed.

“Um ... Vidalia?” Greg said.

“ _Oh_!” Vidalia quickly let go of Greg and flinched backward. Her cheeks were red. “Geez. Sorry ...” She brushed her hair behind one ear and gave a nervous chuckle. “N-not sure what came over me there. Damn.”

“It’s okay,” Greg said gently. “It’s fine ...”

“Y-yeah ...” Vidalia mumbled.

Vidalia’s eyes drifted to Pearl, only then noticing her.

“Oh, Pearl!” Vidalia said. “Wow um ... didn’t see you there.” Vidalia shook her head then looked Pearl in her eyes. “Is everything okay or--”

“Yes,” lied Pearl. “I wanted to see Steven.”

Vidalia froze. Her eyes darted to Greg. Greg nodded. Upon seeing that, Vidalia relaxed.

“Okay,” Vidalia said. She put her finger to her lips. “Be quiet though. He’s asleep.”

“Alright,” Pearl said.

Greg and Pearl followed Vidalia into the dark trailer. Once they entered the hallway, Pearl saw dim light peeking from the door cracks of one of the rooms. Vidalia placed her hand on the doorknob.

If Pearl had a heart, she knew it would have been pounding right now. Her entire body felt like it was buckling under an enormous weight.

Greg noticed. Of course.

“Pearl?” he asked

“Don’t worry about it,” Pearl said, exhaling. She tried to keep her hands from shaking.

Vidalia glanced at Pearl, then slowly opened the door.

The room was small, nothing there but a dresser, a rocking chair, and ...

The crib.

With _him_ in it.

Greg and Vidalia stood in the doorway as Pearl took a step inside.

He had a thin pink blanket over him. He was small. _Astoundingly_ small. But even with his eyes shut, Pearl could see how strongly he resembled Rose ...

She clenched a fist as she felt a knot in her stomach.

Don’t cry, she told herself. _Don’t cry_.

Greg approached behind Pearl.

“Pearl?” he asked softly.

Pearl forced herself to smile, trying to push back the well of emotions inside her.

“ _He’s beautiful_...” Pearl said.

She turned to look at Greg. He didn’t need to ask how Pearl was feeling. They both knew each other too well.

“Hey, um, Vidalia,” Greg said, looking at Vidalia.

“Yes?” Vidalia asked.

“Do you, um, have any ice?” Greg said, touching his shoulder. “You kinda hit me pretty hard.”

“Oh!” Vidalia said. She nodded, getting the point. “Yes, um ... yeah. Just come with me to the kitchen.”

Greg gave one last glance to Pearl, then followed Vidalia into the hall. It was clearly an excuse to give Pearl privacy, something she appreciated despite her inexplicable fear of being alone with the child.

She stared at Steven.

Rose’s child.

She reached down and gripped the blanket. He didn’t stir. Even though she knew how she’d feel, part of her _had_ to see it. She gently pulled the blanket back and saw it, right where his belly-button would have been if he were a normal human. His Gem.

_Rose’s_ Gem.

Despite herself, she felt her eyes moisten. Her Gem looked exactly the same as when it was attached to her. Bright, pink, _perfect_...

She whimpered.

Steven opened his eyes.

They looked just like hers.

She felt sweat trickle down her forehead.

Pearl’s eyes were locked with his for a silent, serene moment ...

And then Steven opened his mouth and let out a loud, high-pitched cry.

“ _Oh_!” Pearl said, snapping out of her thoughts. “Oh dear! Um ...”

She nearly ran to get Greg. After all, Pearl knew nothing about human children. It would make more sense for him to try to comfort his child. She took a step towards the door ...

But Steven’s crying pierced her ears. Before she could even reach the doorway, she looked back and saw that tiny creature upset ...

And she found herself unable to run.

She quickly moved over to the crib.

“It’s um ...” Pearl said, nearly drowned out by the cries. “It’s alright ... um ...”

She tried to remember what little she knew of human child-rearing. What calmed human children down?

With a pang in her chest, she remembered Rose’s words before she died ...

_I’ll never even get to hold him._

Pearl closed her eyes and, after a moment to compose herself, reached down and picked up Steven. He was so tiny. So fragile.

Fragile. Just like a Pearl ...

“Ssh, ssh,” Pearl said, softly as she hugged the child to her shoulder. To her relief, his crying slowed. “There, there. It’s alright, Steven ...” She moved back and forth. “It’s okay ...”

His crying stopped completely. He let out a sweet coo. It sounded so much like Rose’s voice she had to blink away tears.

She sat down in the rocking chair with Steven, cradling him in her arms as they rocked. She looked down at him.

Even though humans that young couldn’t understand speech, Pearl found herself compelled to talk to the baby.

“Hi Steven,” Pearl said gently. “My name is Pearl. I was your mother’s--”

She stopped and corrected herself.

“W-we were ... friends ...” Pearl said, in almost a mumble.

Steven stared blankly at Pearl. Pearl sighed. When she saw this innocent child, she felt guilty for all the resentful things she ever thought during Rose’s pregnancy. It made her sick with herself. She couldn’t imagine how Rose even _tolerated_ her.

“She would have been proud of you,” Pearl said, unable to meet the baby’s eyes. “You’re sweet ... just like her. I can tell. It’s all over your face.”

The baby said nothing.

Pearl gulped.

“You know, she wanted me to help take care of you,” Pearl whispered. “I still don’t understand why, but she did. I--”

Pearl put one hand to her Gem.

“I’m actually surprised that I _want_ to,” she said. “I really want to make her proud but ...” Pearl ran her hand nervously through her hair. “Part of me is so afraid that no matter how hard I try, I’ll just end up hurting you. And I just ...”

She felt something brush her hand.

She glanced down to see Steven had gently placed his tiny hand on her wrist. He was looking up at her, a tiny smile on his face.

Pearl’s eyes were still wet with tears but, in that moment, she actually managed to smile.

She held Steven up to her face.

“You really are like your mother, aren’t you?” Pearl said.

Steven reached out with his tiny hand and touched Pearl’s pointy nose. He cooed and smiled as if it was the most hilarious thing he had ever seen.

Pearl was surprised when she heard herself laugh, _genuinely_ laugh, for the first time in a long time.

She heard a noise by the door. She turned her head and noticed Greg standing there, an ice pack pressed to his shoulder.

They caught eyes with each other. Greg smiled.

Pearl wiped the tears from her eyes and smiled back.

“Do you want me to help get him back to sleep?” Greg whispered.

Pearl shook her head.

“No, Greg,” Pearl said. “Go get some rest. I’m sure I’ll figure it out ...”

Greg thought for a minute.

“He likes singing,” Greg said.

Pearl had to stifle a laugh. Of course he liked singing. _Rose_ liked singing.

“Okay,” Pearl said. She nodded. “I can do that.”

“Okay ...” Greg said. “Thank you, Pearl. For everything.”

“No ... thank _you_ , Greg,” Pearl said.

After exchanging one last look, Greg slowly closed the door.

Pearl cradled Steven back into her lap. He looked up at her, his eyes tired, barely open.

It was hard for her, holding something that looked so much like Rose but was not her. She wasn’t sure she’d ever entirely get over it. She wasn’t sure if she’d ever be strong enough to take care of him the way Rose would have wanted.

But she would try.

She rocked Steven in the chair. She tried to think of a song to sing to the child.

When she thought of Rose, the words came easily.

She sang in the softest voice she could.

_“If I could ... begin to be ..._

_“Half of what ... you think of me ..._

_“I could do about anything ..._

_“I could even learn how to love ..._ ”

And Pearl watched as Steven slowly drifted to sleep ...


	4. NOT AN UPDATE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An explanation about why the final chapter has taken so long.

[Hey there. Hi. I'm CoreyWW. You may remember me as the author of this fic, as well as [that one fic Peridot has social anxiety really bad](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5008579) and [that other fic about Connie at school that keeps trying really hard to make Jeff/Peedee a thing.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7746817) And I'm here to talk to you today about why the 4th chapter of this planned 4-part series has been taking seemingly forever.

The truth is I've ultimately decided not to do a fourth chapter of the Grieving Process, ending it at the previous chapter. I honestly thought about not addressing the matter directly, but I really care about all you guys as my audience and I felt you deserved an explanation of why this is the case. And a lot of it has to do with why I started writing this series in the first place.

At the time I first had the idea to do this story, it was during a time when I felt very stressed out and, while not dealing with depression, it was definitely at a time when I was going through some stuff. This may sound a little odd, but honestly writing sadder stories while I'm feeling upset often provides a lot of relief. You may think it'd have the opposite effect, but actually being able to channel those feelings into something does help a lot. And for a bit, writing the Grieving Process DID help a lot and it made for a pretty decent story to boot even if it's by far the saddest thing I've ever wrote (in my opinion).

But then a lot of the anxiety I was dealing with at the time I started resolved itself. So I didn't really need that as an emotional outlet for myself anymore ... but I was still partway through a story. So I think, "That's okay, I can press on, it'll be fine!"

It wasn't fine, heh.

In an ironic twist, the Grieving Process started having the complete opposite effect as when I started. Namely I would feel fine before I started working on it or if I was working on other things, and as soon as I start working on this specific story, all the anxious feelings I had before come back and it essentially makes me feel quite unhappy the entire time I'm writing it. This started happening a little bit around the end of chapter two and through ALL of chapter three. Writing chapter three especially was, hands down, the least enjoyable experience I have ever had writing _anything_ I have ever had cause I just remember the whole month I was working on that feeling miserable even when I _wasn't_ writing which ... clearly isn't a good thing for someone who mainly writes so much to relieve anxiety, haha. I'm sure this might sound silly, especially to those of you reading this who don't write, the idea that working on a project "for fun" would affect me so much in real life but ... iiiit did. And especially after writing that chapter, I was afraid to work on the next one cause, honestly, I just didn't want to put myself through such a rough patch again.

And for a while I kept thinking, "You know, I just need some time, I'll be able to walk away and do other stuff for a while and when I come back, it'll feel different."

I've tried coming back to it multiple times since and it hasn't felt any different, XD. Which really sucks for me because AS hard of a time as I had writing this series, when the chapters were done I thought they came out very good, but I eventually just came to the conclusion like ... as much as I like each chapter when its done, it's not worth making myself feel THAT bad over to get there. And rather just leave it the way it is without an explanation, I wanted to tell you guys why.

The silver lining here is that the previous chapter did end in kind of a sweet place that works somewhat as a conclusion, I think. I honestly don't think anything I could have written would have topped the last moment of the previous chapter anyway. And I want to stress that I don't want this special circumstance to set a precedent or anything. All the other ongoing series I have right now I have no intention of abandoning, even the ones that might take a while to update, but ... this SPECIFIC story I just can't finish the way I originally planned anymore.

**tl;dr: for personal reasons, I'm ending the Grieving Process at three chapters.**

I hope this isn't too disappointing to hear and I hope most of you understand. For all the people patiently waiting for the epilogue to this story, I sincerely apologize as ending it in this manner wasn't what I planned. I hope you're able to forgive me and that you're still able to enjoy my other work.

So yeah, I think that's all I wanted to say. I'll probably delete this note at a later time and just have the prior three chapters as the "complete" story, but yeah ... I just wanted to give you guys that explanation.

Thanks for listening and thanks for enjoying this story. I love you guys. Take care.]


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